Sunday, January 20, 2019

Stupid People Don't Know They Are Stupid

"Ignorance is bliss." 

We have always heard this quote and accepted it as being a fundamental truth, but it really isn't. 

A study was done that changed the face of what we know as being perceived intelligence verses Actual intelligence. This isn't related to IQ, or at least not related to how IQ is measured in the world of academia.  The study is known as the Dunning-Kruger Effect. This intensive study was not done with only college graduates or, "educated" people, it was a wide spectrum analysis of how people either underestimate or overestimate their abilities. 

In fact, most people believe just because they went to college and earned a degree in something, that it immediately deems them as an "expert" in 'said' field. When in reality, we all know that the degree of choice is only partially earned by the subject of one's interests.  
Example: If I were to get a degree in sociology, the majority of the classes required in my first 2 years would be math, science, government, literature, etc... 
Those topics have little to nothing to do with the degree of choice, i.e. Sociology. 

I could essentially blow past, intellectually speaking, 90% of Sociology majors just by voraciously reading books on that specific topic that have been done by the world's leading researchers who have spent decades studying sociological studies and observing family dynamics in controlled settings. 
Ironically enough, most of the researchers who have won awards for this research probably do not have a degree in 'said' field. They may hold a degree in Environmental Studies or Biology or Psychology. They may even be law enforcement persons or intelligence officers with a branch of the government. 

Back to the study. 

"Stupid people don't know they are stupid." 

We've all been there. I will relate a personal situation that happens frequently to me and one that has caused me to question my reality and whether or not I am meant to even socialize with certain people.  I'm the first to admit that I was a terrible student, slow to read, slow to comprehend, and socially awkward in pre-adolescent years. There are reasons for this, but those reasons were not seen by the school administration back then. What changed? I knew I wasn't smart. I knew I needed to play catch up if I were ever to succeed at anything in life. I felt inadequate in almost every academic endeavor or interpersonal relationship with the outside world. 

I knew I was stupid. Here is the paradox of the Dunning-Kruger Effect results: Intelligent people often underestimate their intelligence and therefore strive to become more intelligent by any means necessary. People with low intelligence do not feel they have low intelligence and therefore they are content to remain as they are.... stupid and overly positive about their "smarts." Ah ha! There you have it folks... "ignorance is bliss."  It's false happiness because that sense of well-being and contentment comes from an inflated sense that they are not lacking information, intelligence, or skill. 

Do you ever have this happen... 
You are in a meeting at work and you begin witnessing a discussion on some issue or problem. Within meta-seconds the correct solutions begin flooding your brain like a super highway of data. These solutions your brain has just generated seem so simple, logical, and obvious to you. 

So... You remain quiet because you ASSUME that these simple and effective solutions have obviously been brought to the table before and were deemed unfit. Or you may think, "maybe I don't have all the details of this problem and so I'm being ridiculous for assuming my brain somehow has the answer within seconds." 

There is the Dunning-Kruger Effect in action. You devalued your brains super conductive data stream of solutions because you are downgrading your own intelligence because it should be this obvious to everyone and if they aren't doing 'said' solution, then they must know better or more information than I do. The problem is... Stupid doesn't know it's stupid. They haven't thought of those solutions. They haven't thought of anything, but they are pretty certain that only their answer to the problem is "expert level."   

So... After a year of sitting in on meetings hearing really benign problems being discussed at length, and seeing that there are no results, no forward movement, and in some cases there is a devolving of the situation- You finally decide to speak up.  You may say, "I'm sorry to interrupt, and I know I'm not an expert at this, but have you thought about such n' such as a way to solve this problem." 

You may get some blank stares, you may get some half tilted heads, and then you will invariably be ignored as though you offered nothing in the way of a solution. When in fact, you offered THE solution but it buzzed right over their net of comprehension and they just go back to talking to each other.  

The most frustrating thing is when they come back two weeks later and present your solution as their own and all the other low functioning stupid people pat them on the back and feel good about themselves. All the while, you have been sitting there saying the exact same thing for months and you might as well have been talking to the paint on the walls. 

I'm sorry to say this but I can't think of anything that causes me more grief than this scenario. Not because my ego wants to have validation, but because of the time wasted week to week discussing something that wasn't a big deal to begin with.  Don't take my word for it...This is what Cornell University summarized regarding Dunning-Kruger Effect's Causes: 


Incompetence and Confidence

The most incompetent people I've ever known(some of whom I am working around these days) are brimming with an aura of confidence. They are usually middle management people who love to micro-manage every single person under them and are beholden to the idea that they are experts in everyone's field no matter how much experience someone else has.  They may know nothing about the thing you do, but they will use their "feeling" about what you do as being the judge and jury and executioner of your work.  You could have 20 years experience in something but you could be brought to your knees in humble pie within seconds of this incompetent person's criticism of your work. You are intelligent, therefore you underestimate your intelligence and eat humble pie or angry pie regularly. These idiots with name tags and larger pensions that are running the middle management "show" are also not inclined to like you. They will more often than not, promote the other idiots with name tags instead of you. Why is that? 

This next part of the study is fascinating... 

When an intelligent person begins showing their intelligence to someone stupid, the stupid or "cognitively incompetent" person shuts down. They actually don't hear you! They hear complex sounds and words coming out of your mouth but they can't "run the program" anymore. It's like trying to use a PS4 game disc inside of a PS2. It can't read the data. The format isn't compatible. It simply will not "read the disc." 


And now for.... 


This particular part of the study appealed to me greatly because I am literally paid to be funny, write funny shows and scripts, and come up with new material weekly that will entertain a wide spectrum of people from almost all levels of society. You guessed it, I'm in "family entertainment television." 

I have to navigate the mine fields of religious differences, gender defenders, academic quackademics, social variances in families, language barriers, cognitive differences in children of every age and background, and all the while remain relevant, funny, and clean. Try it sometime. It is like diffusing a bomb weekly and hoping that you remember what wires to keep and which ones can be cut without exploding your reputation and career in one badly written comedy bit or slip of the tongue. 
I envy those entertainers who had their peak before the time period of "everyone is offended and wants to watch you burn." 
Not fun. Challenging, yes. Fun = No. 

Knowledge of all things in your world is power of choice. You can choose what to educate people about or you can remain quiet because you are surrounded by what Dunning-Kruger claimed as being "stupid people." Stupid people have no interest in learning. If the word 'stupid' is a trigger word for you, then I ask that you calm down for a moment and re-read this blog. When I say "stupid people," I am speaking of willfully ignorant people who are 100% certain they are not ignorant. 

I'll end with a perfect example of the Dunning-Kruger Effect on a terribly out of control situation that will have you questioning why nobody saw it coming... 

Bill MacFarland, CEO of Fyre Festival and now high stakes criminal who is steeped in law suits and jail time, was one of these incompetent stupid people brimming with self-confidence. He is also a sociopath but that is a different blog all together. Really smart people bought into this guy's fraud. If you don't remember who his is, there's a HULU documentary or Netflix documentary regarding his decent into nail biting stupidity.  Look them up.  He created a music festival on an island in the Bahamas, sold the tickets for upwards of 200k each and didn't deliver anything. No music. No festival. Just hundreds upon hundreds of people stranded for days and weeks on a remote island with no food, no toilets, and water soaked FEMA tents and mattresses.  Bill MacFarland marketed this idea to really smart people who ran REALLY clever marketing companies and he began to sell something that actually didn't exist. He went on major news networks, got major people to sign their name to it, and he didn't have an island, musical acts, nothing... He didn't even have the money. It was fraud at the highest level all the way through. How did nobody see this coming?  

Well... A few people did. The most intelligent people started questioning what they were seeing and where the money was coming from. They were not heard, not listened to by anyone, and when they proposed such a preposterous claim of "this guy is totally full of shit," they were shut down and laughed at in the media. When you watch the interviews of these people who were lambasted for speaking their intuitive, logical, and experience based theory of why Bill MacFarland was 'full of shit," they kept doubting themselves but felt that even if their assessment and character deformation was inaccurate, they would feel better knowing that they said something rather than not say something. 

Turns out they were right, and it was even worse than what they had suspiciously intuited.  Did they get the credit they deserved for "knowing all along?" Hell no. 
The stupid people kept being stupid and acted shocked and dismayed about how nobody spoke up to take this guy down early on. People did speak up. Intelligent people spoke up but they were not heard. In other words, again... "cannot read disc." 

Why did anyone believe this sociopathic idiot Bill MacFarland? Confidence. 
Yep. 
In Dunning-Kruger's study, they found that these over inflated stupid confident people could convince a huge percentage of people that they were not only smart, but possibly a genius. This guy, MacFarland, had many failed attempts at his "enterprises" for several years. None of his ideas were even real things on their own merit. Example: Magnisus Black Credit Card.  This guy created a credit card for millennials who wanted to live in the social media "we are somebody" lifestyle. The credit card wasn't a real credit card. It was a piece of plastic with a magnetic strip that you could effectively copy your bank card magnetic strip onto the back of and use. You were still poor and living in your family's basement with your 200 bucks in the bank, but you could have the "appearance" of having a Black Elite Card so you wouldn't essentially be "embarrassed" with the "cool kids."  This idiot, MacFarland, was on every single news program and economic analysis show on TV promoting this stupid fake credit card. He was so gregarious and confident in his pitch that people were like, "look at this guy... he's like another Elon Musk!"   

WHAT THE F******!  Yeah. This idiot sociopath stupid person, Bill MacFarland, was compared to someone who created Tesla Motors and SpaceX. This guy created a fake credit card and a fake festival. And now he's in REAL jail. Good riddance. Bye bye stupid person! One down, 2 billion more to go! 

Fact is... Incompetent people act confident. So how can you tell the difference between real confidence and stupid people confidence? The devil is in the details. 

Stupid people do not listen to anything that is different from what other stupid people say. Hence why the epidemic of "fake news" and "click bait" fake stories hit an all time high on platforms like Facebook or Twitter. Stupid people believe other stupid people therefore they share the shit out of their posts on social media.  All of a sudden you'll be hearing about some trending story that you know is fake, but you have to look at because how could it be that 1.7 million people have "liked it?" 

Well... they probably didn't even read it or bother to look any further than the headline. One of their stupid people friends shared it and then they did and then another idiot shared it and nobody questioned who wrote it, is it actually true, nor is anyone considering the aftermath of disinformation spreading that makes millions of people angry.... and stupid people make stupid impulsive decisions that result in a tidal wave of more stupid. We all are choking on the salty foam of stupid people's disasters. We have been for eons. 

If you engage in trying to educate a stupid person, remember that they do not think they are stupid. Therefore, you must appeal to that stupid facet of them by saying in a stupid shallow way, "did you hear such n' such? I thought you would love to know about it because you are so smart about these things..."   Of course you are lying to them, but it's for a good cause. You have cracked open the door of their brain just a fraction of an inch by appealing to their ego and they might actually try and learn something for a change. A little bit at a time we could make a difference in dispelling disinfo and replacing it with actual truths. I know it's hard to not lecture these idiots with the what's what of facts and research about your solution, or idea, or knowledge of something. After all, you know that you learned this information, so therefore why couldn't someone else learn it? 

If you are intelligent, you know that you got that way by learning something you didn't know and by asking questions about something that peaked your curiosity. You always know that you might be wrong about it, or that maybe you could learn more about it that would change your opinions, but you...if you are intelligent... will preface with that statement. "I may be wrong, but from what I have researched it looks like such and such may be such and such."  

Stupid people don't know they are stupid so they will never preface anything with, "I could be wrong about this" or "I don't know a lot about this, but from what I have researched in the last day..." That doesn't happen. These are the "feelings are facts" people.  

Going forward in your day to day life... if you find yourself clinching your jaw and wanting to go punch trees, you are probably surrounded by the Dunning-Kruger Effect. If everyone seems to be having a great time interacting, and you feel like you've missed something in the conversation that has created this friendly insider type vibe... you haven't. They are ignorant and incompetent and they are A-OKAY with other people who are as well. You are the outsider smarty pants. The disc won't read, the program won't run, so don't bother trying to retrofit and downgrade your good sense in order to have these people as friends. It's not worth it. 

Do not waste your ideas and energy trying to show them your worth, your enthusiasm for problem solving, or your ideas for streamlining something that desperately needs re-evaluation. 
The quote, "pearls cast out before swine," applies here. Do not give your best to people who cannot "run the program." You will slowly lose your mind doing this. Trust me, I know. 

I urge everyone to explore the Dunning-Kruger Effect in your life. Remember, it's not always what it seems. Confidence isn't always Competence, and Stupid Doesn't Know It Is Stupid. 


Live long and prosper
Written by Melodee Lenz 
To find out more about the Dunning-Kruger Effect: 
https://catalogofbias.org/2018/03/22/twenty-years-of-bias-and-the-dunning-kruger-effect/

Monday, November 19, 2018

Why Stan Lee Really Mattered, Bill Maher.

Stan Lee, the creative mastermind behind Marvel Comic's famous franchise died November 12, 2018.

The world mourned this legendary person, continues to do so and probably will continue to mourn and celebrate his vision of modern day mythology.

Recently, the explosively divisive Bill Maher, best known for his irreverent commentary on hot topics ranging from social justice, politics, global crisis, ET AL, has made himself relevant again by smugly farting in his own wine glass. Bill Maher loves the smell of his own farts so much that he dared to touch the one subject that isn't a divisive political issue...Our love of heroes.

While I respect anyone's right to voice their opinion on anything, I too must take this opportunity to voice my own.

Bill Maher in his blog post regarding the mourning of Marvel Comic's creator, Stan Lee, went as follows:

"The guy who created Spider-Man and the Hulk has died, and America is in mourning." He went on saying, "Deep, deep mourning for a man who inspired millions to, I don't know, watch a movie, I guess." 

"They pretended comic books were actually sophisticated literature." Maher said. 

"I don't think it's a huge stretch to suggest that Donald Trump could only get elected in a country that thinks comic books are important." 

His criticisms seem to originate with HIS belief that comic books are for children.

I have long thought that what Bill Maher is lacking was creativity. Sure, he's got a show on HBO, a successful blog, and thousands of cynical followers who hang on to his every word as though he oozes brilliance and non-biased view points based in logic and reason only.

Truth is, he lost his spark a long time ago. Of course, that is my opinion. Bill Maher is entitled to his opinion as well, BUT....

The cynical nature of Mr. Maher is actually the reason why comic books/modern day mythos is so important and why it resonates with audiences ranging from 3 years old to 99 years old. l

In the ancient days of Greece, Egypt, Norway, Ireland, Africa, Meso-America people gathered around and spoke the stories of heroes who went against all odds to defeat something much greater than the mortal body they inhabited. They stood up for ideological subversion, broke the status quo, and were the Animus of We The People. These stories were spoken of and eventually became Archetypes.

An archetype is: A recurrent symbol or motif in literature, art, or mythology.

A symbol. Something intangible, an ideology, the essence of, embodiment, prototype, a representative to something abstract like an IDEAL.

Stan Lee was born during a time when the "little guy" stood up to Nazi Germany, Fascism, Ruthless Power hungry dictators, plagues of Tuberculosis, Influenza, the Great Depression, the Civil Rights Movements, Vietnam, JFK being assassinated by the powers that wanted to silence and subvert the truth...all the way to 2018 where it seems that all of these issues are very much on the front page of every newspaper across the world.  Stan Lee knew that archetypes and stories were important for We The People. He knew that the best way to tell a story was with the several thousand year old method of the Hero Archetype, i.e. Mythology. 

Stan Lee was obsessed with finding real people who encompassed strange or unusual super human abilities and launched a show called, "Stan Lee's Superhumans." This show was more than just a ratings boon, it was Stan Lee's secret wish that we BELIEVE in more than what we've been told we are capable of being. 

"Marvel is a cornucopia of fantasy, a wild idea, a swashbuckling attitude, an escape from the humdrum and prosaic. It is a serendipitous feast for the mind, the eye, and the imagination, a literate celebration of unbridled creativity, coupled with a touch of rebellion and an insolent desire to spit in the eye of the Dragon." -Stan Lee 

"I wanted them to be diverse. The whole underlying principle of the X-Men was trying to be an anti-bigotry story to show there's good in every person." -Stan Lee 


Although Stan Lee often undercut his own genius, he was living a life of joy in his work. The joy that his work brought him is why he was very much aware and alive all the way up until he died on November 12th, 2018. 

The reason Stan Lee matters is the same reason why Archetypes matter in our psyche. In times of challenges, we need a symbol of hope. We need to hope. We need the story of the broken down ego of Tony Stark and rebirth into Iron Man. We need the below average eager and underweight Steve Rogers' rejection into the unbeatable yet ego-less patriot who was made by nefarious military black projects yet remained true to his ideals. Thus proving in our consciousness that Capt. America was his name's sake because of his willpower which was motivated solely by his higher ideals of Freedom, Liberty and Justice for All.  We need to see the warped thought processes of our enemies as well. Their distortions of power, their sense of right and wrong, and how they too are just broken fractured beings who made another choice- Service to Self instead of Service to Others.

If you went into a poverty stricken neighborhood right now and look at the children playing in the street, you would find a bunch of t-shirts with superhero logos on them. The kid from the hood needs to know that Luke Cage fights for what is right. The sick kid in the hospital with a bald head and a bed pan filled with the effects of his/her chemotherapy needs to know that Wolverine began his life as a feeble sick child who was expected to die any day. The little girl who gets molested by her family member behind closed doors needs a glimmer of hope to hang on to and may find the unleashed power of The Hulk to be her way of drumming up the courage to stop at nothing to destroy the abusive life she is being forced to live in.

As far as adults go... The soldiers who are thousands of miles away, wondering if they have a purpose anymore or questioning why they made the decisions they made need to see the story arc of the Punisher, Hawk-Eye, Falcon or Bucky.

Stan Lee knew this. He lived through this world's worst tragedies and biggest triumphs and he knew how to tell the story with unlikely heroes from all levels of society. The rejects, the PTSD soldiers, the rich philanthropist, the genius inventor, the silver spoon brilliant doctor, the abused mind controlled girl from communist Russia, the good neighborhood kid from Brooklyn who lost his parents, the rejects, orphans, the reformed inmate turning over a new leaf.... All of these are:
 We The People.

The entire wave of popularity of Marvel's various franchises are not because they are just, "good movies," as Bill Maher would so simply state in his nihilistic rant about the mourning of Stan Lee's death.

So this next bit is directed to you Bill Maher....
It is because of the, "why is anything, anything," cynical smut that people like you have peddled out of the backdoor of your Nihilistic Van that has seeped into the consciousness of the world in the last twenty years that has been the catalyst for grown-ups wanting to escape into the hopeful mythos of the Super Hero.  The clever little quote about how Donald Trump could only be elected in a society that reveres comic books as literature is the only interesting thing you said... But not for the reasons you think. You're right. Donald Trump, like him or hate him, is the unlikely vigilante that decided to pursue something at all odds. Love him or hate him, that mentality is how the kid from the ghetto dreams of being more than what he knows himself to be based on his surroundings.  Politics aside, breaking the status quo of "who can become President" is why Barack Obama was voted in as well. We The People like the story of the underdog rising up to do the impossible against all odds.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. told Nichelle Nichols (Star Trek Original Series) that the most important thing she could do for the African American youth and women of the world was to continue her role as Lieutenant Uhura.  "You don't need to march. You are marching. You are reflecting what we are fighting for." -Martin Luther King Jr. in response to Nichelle Nichols wanting to do something more "important." 

Two decades later, the first African American woman became an astronaut because, "I thought it was possible after seeing Star Trek." (Astronaut Mae Jemison) 

"When we see the impossible being possible, we reach beyond the stars." Gene Roddenberry, Creator of Star Trek

If everyone thought like Bill Maher, we wouldn't have anyone break the sound barrier, win Olympic gold medals without the use of their legs, become fighter pilots even though they were told they weren't smart enough, tall enough, or young enough. There would be no clean up of animals when oil spills ravage the wildlife, no fire fighters running into the infernos of California to contain something 4 stories tall that melts aluminum, no volunteers racing to save people and animals from the raging floods of hurricanes, no citizen journalists trying to find the truth against the secretive machine of propaganda, no scientists thinking, "what if we tried this instead" and saving the lives of millions with a new medical device... IF we all thought like Bill Maher, we would get up and drink ourselves back to sleep until the world ends... or we'd get a show on HBO that nobody cares about.


Point is... Stan Lee matters and those that think he matters, matter.

Mic Drop.






Monday, September 17, 2018

Spiritual Blocks, Your Determination and Rerouting The Brain

Spiritual blocks come in many forms. We often hear of "awareness" as being an attribute to a Buddhist monk or used in self-defense classes to teach us vigilance.

In my experience, awareness is the energy of mind in paying attention to the world you live in...but this is only the sensory level of awareness. Meaning: Awareness attained by the use of eyes, nose, ears, etc...

This level of awareness only informs the deeper level of mind to our supposed reality.

The deeper level of mind, the subconscious or super conscious mind could be visualized as a guard at a giant gate who is hearing knocking 24 hours of every day and has to determine who they "let in" to the palace.

If your "guardman" is a push-over, they could let in the criminals that are there to rob you of your way of life, peaceful state, or your precious resources.  The Guard is your lifeline. The Guard is the embodiment of what is typically called, "Deeper Awareness or Intuition."

As the world turns and days turn into months and months turn into years, your Guard can tire of hearing the incessant knocking at the gate.  Out of basic overwhelm, the Guard could just unlock the gate and let whatever is being brought in through sensory awareness into the "palace."

The Palace:

The Temple of You, The Palace of You, is the sacred part of you that belongs to the Infinite. It is perfect, complete, lacking in nothing. The imperfection came when you took notice of the material world and found it to be an indicator of your Inner world. This was the death of your Infinite perfection.
The first "sin" if you will. Take all religious connotation out of that statement.
The word 'sin' comes from the term used for archers or marksmen.. it simply means "to miss the mark."

Everyone is a little "off" the mark because you have to exist in a material existence. This is not our natural state of being. There is more to you than just electrons firing to a nervous system, pheromones, hormones, or carnal desires.
Hard core atheist will describe the human being as nothing more than cells informing other cells and impulse into action, then cause and effect of that autonomic response.

Even if that were all we knew, which it isn't, but for the sake of argument and in fairness to the atheist out there... That in and of itself implies a natural order that is intelligently designed. I think Atheist should rename themselves Accidentalists. If everything just happens by a spontaneous accidental process, (which is a paradoxical statement) then just check out of any process or system of life. Go live in the woods and live on impulse, carnal desires, and fear. You will not last long.

When we say someone is behaving like "an animal," this also is an unfair statement to animals! Animals have a respect for the natural order of things. A pack of wolves will only hunt what will sustain the pack. They are collaborative not competitive. There may be a hierarchy to their pack, but that is a natural order to sustain the pack against dangers and to prevent the cessation of the family unit's future in the world.

Moving along...

The sensory awareness is our way of navigating and informing us of the reality we perceive as being, "our life." We all have sensory awareness, animals have sensory awareness, insects have sensory awareness. But why? Because at the base level, we all love our life. No?  Even the smallest insect when it perceives a danger to it's life, it will move away from that perceived danger. (i.e. the human foot trying to smash it to bits or just walking on its pathway)

The current state of the world is due to relying on sensory awareness as being the Law instead of merely a Suggestion!
The Guard that is at the gate of Infinite Awareness or the Temple of the REAL you, doesn't have to tire or become complacent in who he lets into the gate. You can place an additional guard in place. You can see, hear, smell, and perceive your material physical world but with an awareness that it isn't what it seems to be. Why? Because everyone is existing using their senses so it has created the energy signature of the physical or material world. Meaning the world you can touch, taste, see, hear, and smell.

There is a moment that all human beings go through at some point when you are faced with something you see, hear, taste, smell, or perceive in any way that CANNOT be let into the gate that is being watched by The Guard, i.e. Your Subconscious.

It may be triggered by a bad relationship where someone is telling you they love you, but you are feeling on an emotional mind level something else. Something that isn't love. The Guard or your Super Self, knows what love is. It came from Love. Or in the ancient Coptic, Greek, and Latin.. the Logos.

Logos is the all caps proper noun LOVE. The Love that created the universe itself. Creation is love in action. Creating something from nothing requires an energy that is actively seeking to see a result that will be appreciated or loved.

So the subject of this blog is Spiritual blocks, determination, and rerouting the brain, right?

The brain in its physical functioning based on the nervous system, is not unlike a series of dog trails. You will see the route that your dog takes to bark at the postman every day. He may not know why he's barking at the postman 12 years into it. It's just what he instinctively does because he has a neurological pathway that is manifested in his actual dog pathway that he runs every single day.

We do the same thing. Take cigarette smoking... a scientist will tell you that it is just the nicotine people are addicted to. This isn't true. The neurological pathway that was formed by the physical actions and sensory awarenesses that were taken into the mind and taken to the Guard at the Gate, formed a path to that gate that is now worn down and the "obvious choice" mentally. When certain things are perceived by sensory awareness, as in seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, smelling, the conscious mind looks around and is constantly trying to deliver "a message" to the Guard of your Super Conscious Palace/Temple of You.
So... it looks around and after a while it is exactly like the route that the dog takes to bark at the postman.

I can say this because I use to be a smoker and went through years of quitting and starting again. The only time I was successful and remained that way was when I understood the "messages I was taking to the Guard."  I had to see that what I was perceiving was not related to the act of smoking a cigarette. If I was happy I smoked, if I was sad I smoked, if I had just eaten I smoked, if I was driving in the car... I SMOKED. All of these perceptions of the physical world were not being perceived accurately or if at all. It was taking me OUT of awareness and into the comfortable route I had developed to live in the physical world. It was in a sense, avoidance of Mind. Avoidance of the present Mind.


These are merely examples that I can share to put this into bite sized chunks for consumption.

I will say that before I began the nasty habit of smoking cigarettes at 16 years old, I had another route I had made that was essentially the same thing. It was the dog path of the previous dog who barked at the cyclist in the back alley but didn't bark at the postman!  Eventually the grass grew over that pathway and now a garden grows where once there wasn't even the slightest blade of grass.
That previous "dog path" for me before the age of 16 was food. Logically, the only thing I could use to cope with the physical world or to avoid it, was food. I ate when I was happy, sad, confused, relaxing, learning, overwhelmed, angry... Wait?! Those are the same feelings I had when I would reach for the cigarettes!
You see my point.

So how did I figure this out?

Now is the meat of this study. A study that is an active study for me. One that continuously is teaching me about my "dog pathssssssss"....

Suffering of all living things comes from just being alive. Yet all happiness we experience also comes from the same. Our suffering be it acute or benign is all dependant on what shit your Guard will take into the Palace of You.

Your Guard may be a big suspicious warrior that downvotes anything that seems "too good to be true." Or your Guard may be a sweet little old lady that is gullible and gets ripped off easily. Or you may have a Guard that is a bit of both depending on what is brought to the Gateway of your Palace... or Super Infinite/Subconscious Mind.

My Guard's weakness was guilt. When my Guard gets "too mean and rigid" then my Guard feels crumby about himself and paces around in a circle hashing over and over again about the why's of vetoing the "free pass into the Palace." The best way to get into my Subconscious Mind, past the Guard, is to guilt the Guard into feeling like he's hurt something by not letting in "in."  In other words, by telling my Guard that he's a "bad Guard." He will believe that and he will open the door, unfortunately.

This will take some introspection and practice because our dog paths don't grow grass overnight. They can, but unless you have the focus of Yoda, then I doubt you can do that in one 24 hour period. But desperation for change can propel you to focus that intensely if you are fully honest with how that path was created, what created it, and understand the nature of what can "grow back."

Some pathways can't re-grow grass. BUT... that doesn't mean you can't build on top of it! Good or bad.

Letting go of what you are perceiving in your physical world as being the reality of your life is the first step. You can still see the same things, hear the same things, smell the same things, touch the same things, but to have Awareness of what those things are triggering within you is the first step to "regrowing the grass over the dog path."

Example: I have had a tremendous amount of loss during the holiday seasons or events that happen that are out of the pattern of my routine. (going out of town, someone else going out of town that I live with, a season change, new workout routine, etc.)  So... when I go to (just an example) enjoy the holiday season or make plans to take a new dance class or whatever, this unsettling physical feeling happens in my solar plexus first, and then comes up to the mind and feels like panic or anxiety of some sort. I may get punchy or short with people, or bump into things or get clumsy because I have this chaotic energy that on a conscious level I am not understanding fully.

I may think, "come on Mel, you are being lazy." This is SHAMING THE GUARD at the gate. Remember how I said that the fastest way into my Subconscious Mind/Palace of Me/Temple is by shaming the guard?  This is how insidious the shaming can become. The dog wants so badly to bark at that mailman but there's now a big wheelbarrow in the way of the path. He will go around it, but will end up right back on the direct path he has worn down to bark at that mailman!

The mailman is going to come no matter what. We know this. This is a simple way of saying: If you are alive, living happens. So we must change our sensory awareness and fine tune it with a filter that doesn't perceive the same things as they are, but is perceiving with the help of The Guard of the gateway to your subconscious mind.

So back to my example above...
A new "thing" that I want to do or enjoy happens and when I start to do that thing, I somehow end up barking at the "mailman." Or in my case, some sort of traumatic situation will occur like my pet will get sick, or my father will get into a work related accident, or some weird bank account thing, or flat tire or care broken down, or I get sick....
Most people would just go back on the dog path of their mediocre awareness of the same routine, same sensory awareness without a second thought. Their first thought would be, "I don't like this gym," or "I hate Christmas," or "Yoga is not for me, it's stupid," or "I just don't like that person, I don't want to go out anymore with them." 

This is what I'm talking about regarding sensory awareness being a terrible indicator of our True Infinite reality. We've taken our primal perceptions to the Guard at the Gate and we've said, "Yeah, so this is what I've got again. Let me in please." The Guard hasn't been faced with new things in a while so he lets those sensory perceptions inside the Temple Gates. That's when the real shitstorm begins.

It can be anything from a breakdown like a panic attack, or worse. The Subconscious Mind remember is in constant communication with your Conscious mind. If the communication lines that are being utilized are the same old beaten pathways then there is no spiritual growth. In other words, a Spiritual Block will occur.

The only way to understand this and to prevent this is:
1. Awareness of Present Emotional Mind- How am I feeling? 
(there's no wrong answer here, any bread crumb will help you to remove the dog path that is pissing off your Guard and causing trouble in your life and preventing growth.)
*** As you deconstruct this, you will get more from just that simple question. Detach from it, do not judge how you are feeling, just accept it as how you are feeling. No guilt, no downplaying it, no shelving it for another time, no worry, no doubt... You must honor whatever the answer is by understanding that this is the truth of the Present Mind. It may not be a truth for long, but for that very moment it is the most truth you are capable of.

2. What are my sensory perceptions in my Present- What are you seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching?  Pay attention. What colors are around? Are their males around you? Females? Birds singing in the trees? Is it sunny, warm, hot... cold, cloudy, rainy... day or night? What are you wearing? Who are you with? What day of the week is it? What different thing did you do? What did you eat? What has been said to you in the last few hours? Have you observed anything out of the normal routine? What sticks out in your mind? Or is it an ordinary day? If so, what is ordinary about it... get specific.

3. Isolating Unwanted Feeling- What category does my unwanted feeling fit into?
According to many ancient practices there are 8 spiritual fears:
*Ignorance(being faced with something you have no workable knowledge of nor understanding of)
* Pride (this is ego of the first... I know this better than anyone, how dare something confront me that denies me the superior feeling of Me... and no I will not ask for clarification or help. Who do think I am? An idiot? This is pride.)
*Anger (Anger comes from confusion first, and a sense of the first two I just listed... and this is destructive anger, not JUSTIFIED noble anger... yes there is a difference but it takes time to know what is motivating it)
*Jealousy (it's not normal and it's never helpful and it doesn't mean you care more. It's destructive and comes from a lack of wholeness in yourself)
*Erroneous Philosophies/Wrong View- (keeping old beliefs that are limiting to the growth of your spiritual life, your physical life, and tends to be the manifestation of a closed mind that lacks compassion)
*Greed (what's mine is mine and what is yours is also mine, and IF I give anything, it will only be a morsel that I will not need later but if I do, I will get it back double)
*Desire/Attachment- Endless wanting of material pleasures of the carnal mind. Attachment is unhealthy because it has no foundation, no roots. It is empty and provides only temporary satisfaction and typically grows and becomes more voracious over time. Vanity. (think about the people who are addicted to plastic surgery they cannot see themselves anymore, their vanity has taken the wheel of their mind)
*Doubt- The biggest of all the 8 spiritual fears is DOUBT. Doubt is an earthquake that shakes the foundation of your life. Doubting is the same as fearing but it cracks the window open that lets in all of the the rotten energies that want nothing more than to steal your peace and keep you locked in this world's suffering, violence, lack, and despair.

Think of the 8 Spiritual Fears in a circular pattern, each feeding to the next, the last feeding the first...
The term "spiraling out of control" comes from this. Enough cycling through these above Spiritual fears, you create momentum that spirals you to despair, depression, or worse... a sense of apathy about whom you hurt, including yourself.

4. Catch & Release- When you've gone through these steps and you've understood, even in the slightest sense, what is being given to the Guard of the Gate of your Subconscious Mind, you can give the Guard full power to catch the faulty conscious message coming from your sensory world and then you have the unique and opportune ability with your determination to oust or release it back from whence it came. It is not needed anymore. It is false. It is not allowed in. NONE SHALL PASS.

While you may feel silly saying that in your mind, I urge you to say it outloud. Don't worry, don't do it around other people, but in the car, or the bathroom or in the privacy of your own home say it out loud.
Say it with force. You will give your Guard a break for once because that guy has been fighting for you since you entered into this world. With both of you fending off the rotten stuff, you can get very savvy at seeing what the more subtle trickster perceptions are too. It is constant training of Present Mind Awareness, Catch and Release.   Ultimately you are the deciding factor in what you create for your life.

Does the energy that you have in your Present Mind Awareness feel good? Is it harmonious? Is it good for other people? Does it have love and kindness to life and living things? Is it understanding? Is it humble and a good steward of service to making the world better? Is it a trap? Is it desire? Is it greed? Is it doubt? Is it vanity? Is it Ignorance and Pride of the Ego unwilling to admit ignorance, or to humble itself to learn?

Whatever it is, you and You(The Guard) can build your reality and you will start having your physical sensory awareness see, hear, taste, smell and touch the things that build your purpose instead of keeping you stagnant or breaking you down.


I hope this reaches someone who really needs it. I am not a teacher, I am learning what I am trying to teach and teaching what I am learning, always.

.Live Long and Prosper.








Saturday, September 15, 2018

Sunspot Observatory Closure- Some Facts with Pics, Audio to Sheriff Dept, and More....

On September 6th, the Sunspot Solar Observatory in New Mexico outside of Roswell, closed mysteriously. The Federal Bureau of Investigation came in, kicked everyone out, and shut down the observatory with no explanation given to the civilian workers, the residents who live around the area, and also shut down the post office in Sunspot, New Mexico. Residents of the area have to drive 60 miles to get their mail and there are more questions raised than answers given.

The news of this closure reached the mainstream media on September 10th, 2018. Coverage of this story was spoken or written about on CBS, Daily Mail, Alamagordo Local ABC affiliate, Zero Hedge, Drudge Report, Coast To Coast AM, Fox News, CNN, and more.

The online forums of Reddit subgroups like Reddit Conspiracy, were on fire with speculation. Misinformation was spreading faster than the facts could leak out to squash the theorizing.
This happened because there were NO answers given by local authorities of Sunspot or surrounding cities for one and only one reason...

They simply didn't know any more than you or I.

Reports came flooding in from the residents of Sunspot, New Mexico:


The above is a screen shot of the quotes gathered by the ABC News Affiliate in the local area around Sunspot, New Mexico.

A local man was also taking his child to the observatory for a family fun day and drove up to see caution tape and the FBI, Blackhawk Helicopters and unmarked black vehicles.
This man called the local sheriff to ask what was going on and whether or not it was safe for his family to be anywhere near the area. Below is the link to the phone call to the Sheriff's office.
https://vocaroo.com/i/s16Jp6WLI9Tn

The Sunspot Observatory is located very near the White Sands Missile Range. Those of you who are new to this stuff, you should read about what goes down at White Sands, but for all of the small swallowing red-pill people who are building their tolerance to the mirror world reality we all live in, I can sum what White Sands is all about by saying that it was the testing ground for:
(taken from NPS.GOV)


It is located on what is now the Holloman Air Force Base.

There are reports from this area that go from underground labs owned by major Military Industrial Complex developers to the most Top Secret development of Experimental Aircraft of the private and military contractors. If you want to dive down this rabbit hole, either tie off first or don't, but don't say that I didn't warn you.

Rumors started spreading almost immediately regarding the closure of the Sunspot Observatory. Rumors or theories ranging the gambit of plausible and unbelievable scenarios.

One of the first FALSE pieces of data that came out was that the closure came on the wake of a major CME (Coronal Mass Ejection) or "sunspot/solar flare" event. Though there were geomagnetic oddities captured on the various official space weather sites, there was nothing "major" as far as solar geomagnetic storms predicted until the 12th of September.  (Remember that the actual Observatory closed down on the 6th of September and was reported on in mainstream news on the 10th)

Another leaked "intel" report came from someone who claimed to be a DARPA "whistleblower" who surfaced on the controversial 4chan/8chan forums. This person claimed that China was hacking into the Observatory and also listed 6 more observatory links located all around the world that were now "closed."  The links provided went to ERROR messages and "Website no longer available," pages.

This began the the huge 2nd burst of "fake news" that spread all over the internet. The observatories that were listed by this anonymous 8chan user or "DARPA Insider" are not closed down and their websites are fully functional. They just aren't the exact links that were provided on that forum.

Second massive hole in that theory is this: Why would China hack a solar observatory to "spy on the White Sands Missile range and USAF base?"  We have nothing that they don't already have and we are working with China and have been working with China for decades now in our space programs. (I should mention that we also work with Russia very peacefully on the International Space Station, and share information ALL THE TIME)  So this "China Hack" theory is as stupid as it comes. It is just more palate cleansing for people who don't want to think of something far more strange that could've been noticed by the alphabet agencies like the FBI.
Secondly... the satellite technology that we've had in place alongside China for at least the last 20 years, can pin-point the heat signature of someone cooking eggs in their kitchen in the middle of the Kentucky woods! They don't need to hack an Observatory in New Mexico to see what we are up to. Look, if Google and Facebook have proven to have AI that can find your face in a crowd of 100,000 people, then I don't think you need a massive telescope to see what the USAF is up to. Use Logic.

The Sunspot Observatory overlooks the USAF base but it isn't LOOKING AT the base. It is a SOLAR observatory. Solar. Meaning THE SUN!
Don't believe me? Okay...
Here's a diagram of the design of the Observatory.


For my smarter friends out there and my engineers and mechanics and garage good ol' boys... it doesn't take a super genius to see that the Observatory design just isn't conducive for a nefarious spy operation based in China. If it is, then China isn't the superpower we think they are. Period.








So what is around the area other than the USAF base and White Sands and some hippies who go to burning man every year?

Don't worry, I have a map of that too.


Okay... so there's a weather station. A huge hurricane, Florence, is hitting the Southern East Coast right now.
There are other theories coming out about the weather modification stemming from HAARP (High Frequency Auroral Research Project) and various smaller "harps" around various military bases like Fort Hood in Central Texas, being the reason why the FBI seized the Observatory so that "we couldn't observe the weather modification or weaponization in action pre-Florence."

Look, these Observatories have been active during tons of probable weather modification stemming from HAARP being "turned up to 11."  It's HIGH FREQUENCY auroral manipulation and can only be detected if you KNOW what you are looking for. The average civilian worker at the Sunspot Observatory would have NO reason to look for something like that and it would be almost impossible for them to guess the area of "weather weaponization intended" based on the patterns of the sun. They can tell when solar storms or Kerrington level CME sun burps could happen and if they didn't catch it, a million other data collecting observatories would and would not be able to hide the intel because you'd see everyone running for the water and canned food supplies like rats during an earthquake. Also... if half of the world's elite seem to vaporize overnight from all forms of media, be worried. They are in their underground bunkers gettin' ready for Catastrophe 2018 in comfort.

So... I've logically scratched my head over this and then I had to use my intuition and test the "gut feeling" I had about it all.

I have various ideas of what would be a legitimate reason to shut it down...

1. Federal crimes that had to do with embezzling government funds and using them for inappropriately designated things...i.e. money laundering.
2. Federal crimes involving some sort of underground trafficking of drugs or humans through the intricate network of tunnels under the building.

OR....

3. Our space brothers who have been patiently waiting for us to get our sh*t together here on Earth and stop killing each other and using all of earth's resources up to make weapons or to make the pockets of evil sociopathic narcissistic banksters richer and more powerful (if that's even possible), are coming into the solar system because enough of us have said "ENOUGH! We KNOW you are out there!!! This place is being controlled by sociopathic nazis who are trying to take our free will, free speech, freedom of the press and freedom of religion, rights to our own opinions, property, and body for their perverse de-population agenda!"   Don't stop reading. A part of you knows this in your heart and you can't get past the cognitive dissonance you are feeling. But bear with me...

A very common, reasonable, and ordinary woman named Maria Hill who lives in Indiana, posted her photos she took on Facebook in the unlikely attempt to figure out what in the hell she captured on her new iPhone and new telephoto attachment lens. She was taking pictures of the Sun.
She looked at the first few photos and thought, "oh that's odd, lens flare I guess." She put a nuts and bolts filter on the lens... the kind you use when you take a photo of an eclipse.

She took many more photos and after spending a great deal of time enjoying her new iPhone, she went back inside to take a look at her photos on the computer.  This is when Maria discovered something VERY unusual in each photograph.
She decided to do a Facebook video for her friends and show them the pictures by shooting the screen on the computer. (she has since uploaded  these photos to her FB page)
This woman is anything but an alien hunting "conspiracy theorist." She is clearly an average American who legitimately has no idea what she has in those photos. She very matter-of-factly states, "I don't know what this is but it looks like a fleet of space ships, don't it? I mean, I don't know what it is but that is what it looks like to me? Then there's this thing over here..."

Maria goes through several other photographs ranging from strange to stranger. You can clearly see the sun in the photo but you see objects by the hundreds that are surrounding the sun and HUGE Jupiter sized plasma looking orbs that are clearly semi-solid and textured spheres. She shot several photos over a fairly large span of time and the results only became stranger. More and more of these anomalies showed up with each shot.  They seemed to be in motion and would change from frame to frame in direction. The size of the "ships" in comparison to the sun would be something the size of several aircraft carriers if not much much larger. The semi-opaque spheres are planet sized and they are moving and seem to have some sort of core to them.. but you can see textures.

Maria in her ignorance of what these could be compared them to ocean life in the deepest trenches, and went on to state how strange everything is that lives in those deepest regions of the ocean and she states, "I don't know, they kind of remind me of the creatures you see miles and miles down in the darkest part of the ocean. It's so cool though, isn't it?"

Ms. Hill is obviously elated by her photographs and so is the rest of the truth seeking curious minds out there that are trying to find answers in a world that routinely feels like navigating through a labyrinth of mirrors and upside-down is right side up carnival Not-So-Funhouses.

Here are some of the photos taken by Maria Hill: ALL photos belong to Gina Maria Colvin Hill, and I ask that if you want to see more, you should DM her on Facebook.  She seems like a lovely person and she's definitely not selling anything or trying to gain anything from this. The curious minds out there (like myself and many other great researchers who have dug through the weeds  more than I have) found this when we were all scratching our heads over the Sunspot Observatory mysterious shutdown. Whether or not these things are related, I don't know. I do not care if they are related or not related because whatever the case is, these photographs from a humble, hard-working, ordinary person who has nothing to gain from this, are spectacular and make us think about what is going on "up there."  Remember to Lookupstupid.org. Subscribe please and let me know what you think or if you have any theories on the closure of the observatory or about anything really....

Live Long and Prosper.
-Melodee Lenz


















Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Sneak Peak! Excerpts from my future book... 40 Years On Planet Earth

40 Years On Planet Earth
Written by: Melodee Lenz 
(A Toilet Reader For Survival On A Watery Planet Full of Lunatics) 


I've taken excerpts from a book I'm working on. It will be released sometime within a year. I'm working on it. It's kind of a personal goal, or my "meh, why not write a book?" 
Below, in no particular order are some of the short sentence thought farts that will be in the book. 
Enjoy. 

And Now... Excerpts from, "40 Years On Planet Earth." 

My first thought about being alive was, "oh no...I'm a girl?" I thought this as I stared up at the ceiling and said to God, "I know I volunteered for this, but I should've been more specific." This revelation has been the hardest lesson to learn in 40 years. Be specific with your cosmic requests or you might be a girl who scares other women and intimidates most men. 

Stairs are a funny thing. When you are small, they are a vertical playground that cause your Grandmother to nag and worry so much that your Father has no choice but to sell the house he custom built for his new family. Sorry Dad. I just liked those stairs and I was pretty sure I was invincible at the time. 

When you are tiny, your only defense against the droll conversations of adults during dinner is to crap yourself while screaming. 

Boardrooms. An honest title with a spelling mistake. 

Laughing until cramping creates an addiction to experience it again. It's the only reason people don't commit suicide en masse, daily. 

Pets are the only redeeming humans on the planet. 

When I was a kid, it seemed as though quicksand would be a frequent stressor that I should probably have training to deal with. I have never seen quicksand in 40 years. 
What a waste of mental energy that was. 

The fascination with the sea is a phase that humans go through when they have realized everything they know is meaningless. 

Great architecture seems to inspire quiet conversations. The perfection of angles are aching to hear the resounding crash of an ostentatious heirloom shattering on the marble tiles. 

Religion in the deep south is as interesting as writing a book about mud. It's unavoidable, gets tracked into your house no matter how careful you are, and it has ruined a lot of weddings. 

When you are small, you pretend to be grown and playtime includes the ordinary roles of life. 
When you are grown, you know you are ordinary and you pretend you are not. 

Red haired women have a harshness that can only be described accordingly: They give you the same feeling as hitting your shin really hard on a sharp edge of an Oak coffee table. You blame the table at first, then yourself for not realizing how careless you have become around such a monstrosity.  

If you want to know the truth, ask Black people. They do not restrain themselves when the possibility of humor is present. 

That kid in your class that seemed to be the grossest human in the world is still gross, but it's covered in a nice suit, loads of money, and a secret addiction to Japanese shit. 

When you are a teenager, you are pretty sure you will "never see these people again." 
You will, and they will make sure to remind you of how you behaved. 

Teenage girl clicks extend far into the future and are now charity organizations called, "The Wives of...(name professional sports team franchise).." They still think they are cooler than you, but their power is only crystalized when they are clumped together with matching t-shirts and Cause bracelets. 

Specialized groups are for people who need validation that their hobby isn't weird and that they haven't failed...yet. 

Divorce is highly recommended when you suspect that you are living a lie that has somehow roped another person into a poorly written biography.  I recommend a good ol' fashioned book burning. 

Giving a teenager keys to a car they don't have to pay for is as reckless as giving an 8 year old it's own amusement park. 

The local governments have always been run by those smug student council kids that enjoyed Saturday morning food drives and car washes. The true patriots were smoking cigarettes with the art teacher in the bank parking lot behind the gym. 

You can be certain you are extraordinary when the ordinary does everything to assure you that you are not. 

They say, "Blood is thicker than water," but water is the only substance that all of creation must have to survive. 

Animals know how to cooperate to ensure their survival. Humans have only to aspire to such High principals that come naturally to even the common field mouse. 

Boredom is just a term for having to put up with the mundane against your will. 

Don't trust a man that spends more time in the restroom than is necessary. 

Humor is the only sure method of survival in an unfair and terrible situation. 

Everything you hear on the news is 10% true, 60% misinformation, and 30% worse than you can possibly imagine. 

When you are small, you assume that everyone big knows what they are doing. When you are big, you know that you will never be as wise as you were when you were small. 

One word about living in Hollywood... Don't. 

I've heard my entire life that dreams do come true. In my case, I hope that isn't true because it would really freak some people out. 

When you meet someone who tries their hardest to show you how different they are, it's a safe bet they are as interesting as the space between their words. 

Growing up, we all have had at least one mean teacher. This is the first of many lessons we will have in dealing with people who have failed themselves. 

Bureaucracy is a $10 dollar word to describe a powerful idiot's 2 cents. 

Private school for me, was like putting a leopard in a zoo of pampered house cats. I was a danger to myself and others and if you don't stop staring at me, I'm GOING TO break the glass. 

Public school suited me. Being mixed up in the Brach's Big Grab Sack of humanity helped me to understand early on how we got into this terrible mess. 

Be wary of some psychotherapists. Anyone who wants to willingly sit across a desk from someone who is questioning their own inner compass, is the Bermuda Triangle of people. 

Propaganda is powerful. Growing up in the late 70's and early 80's proves this. A Russian family was being interviewed on the nightly news broadcast. My 4 year old brother exclaimed, "I've always wondered what a baby Russian looked like? They're human?"  

I never understood patriotism until I questioned the government. 

In 40 years, I'm still asking my Dad for a trampoline for my birthday. He is still emphatically saying, "No." 

In 40 years, I still prefer to talk to a dog instead of a person. Unless of course you count werewolves. 

One thing I've learned, among many, in my 40 years on the planet is that paranormal activity is actually normal activity that seems not-normal to people who like to only observe predictability. 

In 40 years, I have yet to get my Dad to curse in front of me and I still cannot wear a two piece swimsuit on family vacations without him throwing me a XXL t-shirt with a historical landmark of Texas printed on it. 

I learned about the vicious nature of the Gulf Coast Seagull back in 1999 when my Dad warned my brother and I to fully cover up the delicious hot dogs with the lid of the grill, "or else." He had not finished his stern Texan warning when the sharp points of a thousand beaks dove at my gently palmed Hebrew National hot dog on the thinnest of paper plates. 

Fathers do not admit a lack of knowledge even in the face of terrific and very real danger. The summer of 1993 will be remembered as, "There's Only A Few Jellyfish this time of year," instead of the more accurate title, "It's jellyfish mating season and you are swimming through hundreds of them OH MY GOOOO...." 

"Look What I caught Dad!" To which my father in his infinite calmness said, "that's a baby shark, good job."  I then said, "I'm going back to the shore Dad."  Which he followed up with, "Alrighty, hey I see a bigger one, bring me back the bait would y'uh?"

Life has a way of forcing gratitude on you in the most bittersweet moments you can barely stomach. 

Gratitude is the chaser when you have to eat crow. 

Humble pie is the most sour of all the tarts that life can bake in the Cafe du Vive. 

At times, family can be a lot like having sand in your shorts. If you ignore them, you just get a rash. 

I once had a neighbor that complained when I ran the vacuum. I felt that both the vacuum and the neighbor had a lot in common. 

The entertainment industry and prostitution are almost the same thing with one exception...
There's probably a lot less phony people in the ladder. 

New York is a sort of human social experiment that's purpose is breaking any notion you may have that you are special or different. 

New York will prove to you one of two things... The first one being the fact that you aren't important. The second is that if you stand out in the crowd, you are probably crazy. 

I knew that New York was all it was cracked up to be when I sat in a diner to avoid a blizzard and overheard an argument between middle aged twin brothers who sounded EXACTLY like Mickey Mouse. 

The deep south is full of deadly snakes. Some of them even wear suits on Sundays. 

I've been all over the world and one thing remains consistent: Idiots. 

Germans Do have humor, contrary to popular opinion. Granted, you don't see it right away because it's buried under rigid expectations, practical clothing and sensible footwear. 

When visiting Ireland, it's best to remember their way of relating to one another. If they can't wallow in the past, they will fight. IF they can't fight, they will sing. IF they won't sing, then they aren't Irish... they are German tourists. 

The English are a funny lot. They delight in verbal papercut insults and are appalled with anyone who throws a punch after being repeatedly lacerated. "Tis a fun game of wits, nothing more..." Until of course, it is. 

When I was in Israel, I delighted in the verbal sparring of the Jewish people. The only reason the country still stands is because they agree to disagree. 

Being from Texas, when I traveled abroad, I never felt blamed for the mistakes of the United States. Texans get a free pass everywhere in the world because they assume you ride a horse to work, carry a shotgun, and remember the Alamo. 

The Dutch are an eerily civilized people. I didn't stay there for long. 

When you visit Turkey, it's best to assume that every building has a Djinn living in it. This is the only explanation you have for the ominous feeling of doom you will have, every.single.day. 

In my 20's I couldn't wait to move away. In my 30's I came back, and then ran away to the circus. At 40, I'm doing a check-in by writing this, but I will probably do something stupid pretty soon and I can hardly wait!

I have a fascination with unbalanced people who work in very important industries. What came first? This thought has become my own mental Chinese fingertrap. 

People who have strange eating quirks are always such a let down. 

There are certain types of people who will always order soup. Usually they are extremely judgemental but it's hidden under the warm frothy smug smile they show you when you ask them for life advice. We inherently trust "the soup eater," but we shouldn't. 
They are lacking the personality entree. 

Meetings at work are designed to give you the feeling of progress without the result of it. 

Nobody ever understands women who do not want to have children. Everyone assumes that they will eventually want to have children and they will tell you this until they insult you when you are 40 by saying, "Well, it's too late now anyway." Which is fine, because I DO NOT WANT CHILDREN. Thanks for being an asshole with kids. 
Your kids like me more, and they always will...
  I'm not dead inside. 

A truly toxic person is someone who is certain that they know more about you than you do. 

Most people are conformists. It's hard to be the 100th Monkey, but that monkey get's written about in scientific journals. 

I've never understood the thing women do with their voices. The thin mealy cadence and non-committal upward ending vocal frequency that screams, "I'm a dumb ass," is not helping the feminist movement... which I am not a part of. Learn to speak like you mean it, lower your pitch,  and then I'll reconsider playing on your team. 

Guys that get emotionally or violently disturbed by the outcome of a sporting event are empty carcasses of broken dreams. 

If you have a little boy and you do not allow him to develop his artistic side, you should start a savings account right now... You'll be bailing him out of jail at some point sooner than you think. 

I may not have children, but that doesn't mean I'm not an expert at raising them. I've watched everyone's mistakes and successes from a front row seat my entire life.
 I know the game better than the players, I'm a children's entertainer. 
When you make them cry, I make them laugh. When you've stopped inspiring them, I will ignite the spark again. I hate my job. 

If Hillary Clinton could just look down the barrel of a camera in a confession style video booth and say, "Yeah, I know how I seem. I have had to play ball in a male dominated world for too long. I've torn my soul, broken my spirit, and patched it up each time with decommissioned parts. I wear blazers to hide my pain. I just want to be president for like, I don't know, a day or something...I'm tryin' to keep a 100, but honestly I just don't know how to anymore."  If she could say that, she would've been elected, but she won't because it would kill what's left of her. 

I don't think the young people know what Socialism really is. I know how to fix that problem. Send them to North Korea and say, "okay you are all equal now! Are you happy?" They will be until they realize they can't play PS4, or troll everyone on Reddit who has a different opinion. 

People who hurt animals are not people anymore. They should be stripped of all their personal people rights so they can feel what it is like to be an animal at the mercy of people. 

I have always loved Squirrels. Nothing more to say, I just love them. 

For some people the concept of Faith is taught to them by religion. For me, faith was gifted to me by my dog of 16 years. I prayed for the first time and meant it in an act of desperation to save her life in what was a lost cause. I awakened the next morning with licks to the face and another year of altruistic love. The most profound experiences always begin in a high stakes bet against all odds. 

If you have been burned by religion and are now atheist, that is the same as getting food poisoning from poorly prepared sushi and refusing the eat anything else for the rest of your life. 

If you find yourself in a job, or social group, and everyone ignores what you have to say... Congrats! You have something to say. 

Authentic people are few. Synthetic people are abundant. It takes people who can recognize your worth to showcase how brilliant you are. Yet, there are those who will display the synthetic person as being, "the real thing." No worries, they don't hold up under that kind of pressure. Authenticity shines brighter when those around them have collapsed from the weight of their own shoddy architecture. 











Monday, February 12, 2018

Know Thyself To Be Love

This will be one of the most personal blogs I've ever written. I'm not writing it to be an exhibitionist, or to receive pity, or to gut myself in front of all the world as a testament to my "strength."
I've weighed the reasons of why I NEED to write this and they are pure. Those reasons being one simple objective:

Maybe, just maybe these words will find someone who is struggling to understand their place in the world and can feel like they aren't alone, aren't a freak, and are loved fully by someone they may not even know... like me. That's right. I love you. Whomever you are reading this, whatever your reasons for reading this, guess what... I love you. I do. I really do.

We are taught from the earliest of age that we should be careful about who we love. We are told to reserve saying "I love you," for only a select few people in our lives. We are scolded, shamed, and reprimanded by small minded people filled with fears that we had nothing to do with, all because we loved someone or something that they couldn't understand.

And that's okay.

We love them too. That's right. We love those small minded fear filled people because we allow what they say to affect us. We allow them to drive the needles into our heart. We allow them to penetrate our flesh with words. We let them have an outlet for their fear to take up arms with us. We do this because we are giants in this world of theirs.

We are huge, one hundred story tall giants with hearts the size of Texas. "What's a couple of knives in the heart to a giant," we say as we pluck them out one by one.

We have this gift they have forgotten they once had. The gift of self-healing, of being made of teflon, and of understanding how they may have come to the determination that our love of life bothers them.

They try different stabbing methods, different blades, different strategies to launch their assault on our giant hearts. We know this. On a very deep unsaid level we know this. If we could only yell at the top of our lungs to the whole world, "Be still! I love you," we think we might be able to shatter their small mirrored prisons of fear.

Yet we know that those three words could destroy more than their prison- faceted with their own reflection. We know that those three words are so powerful that they could crumble to their knees in a death blow of humility and remorse. We do not wish this death on them because we know what it feels like. We carry bags of guilt around our shoulders. We wear it without need of praise, or without a want for the encouraging acceptance of our like-minded tribe.

We are only doing our duty afterall.

I've found that in my most vulnerable states when I've wished to unload those bags of burden, I have met more vulchers than I have pack mules. I've met more wolves than eagles, more scorpions than I have butterflies. I've run through the valley of the shadow of my ego's death and I HAVE feared evil and no rod, nor shepherd's staff has comforted me. Yet I know the verse in its correct form and have faith in it's truth.

I have been lifted on the wings of earthly vices more than on the wings of angels. Yet I know where they fly and know they fly alongside me. When I have been in the middle of the ocean of doubt and said "be still, " the waves have crashed harder and more violently they have stolen my breath. Yet when I breathe, I know I will live for one more gulp of air until the storm subsides... leaving me wrecked with salt burning my eyes. Then the rain comes. Clearing the salt, gentler, leaving me enough room to breathe without gasping.

I have also read the sign, "Beware, Danger Ahead," and crossed without incident. I've studied the rules of law and broken them without repercussion.
How do we navigate such unpredictable terrain in life?
How do we know that the sea will be still, the scorpion won't sting, the valley can be crossed?

We use our love as a compass. We have met all forms of disaster, derelicts, deranged and malformed human personalities or entire systems and yet we press on. We still smile when we see innocence. We lighten our load with laughter. We speak for those who cannot speak. We help those who cannot be helped. Do we do all of this from weakness?

Do we do continue because we have failed? Are we lost because we cannot be found or because we are finding those who have been misplaced? Do we lack intelligence for doing these things? Do we need books, classes, or therapists to tell us that we are broken because we have chosen to love instead of fear?

Do we serve no higher purpose because we have allowed our hearts to be injured by our world that cannot be cured by anything other than our love? Does this make us weak? Does this make us lost? Does this make us disgusting and dysfunctional?

I have known many who wear the skins of snakes and their venomous bites have no antidote other than the eventual immunity to them. Yet I have met more who wear the garment of angels and were nothing more than a toxic parasite underneath their robes of light. And I prefer the snakes over these false helpers bathed in their artificial light- Powered by someone else's, "batteries."

These are the ones who take all that is precious, all that is sacred, all that is revealed in your most transparent moments and syphon off your vital essence to built a weapon designed to pierce your least guarded areas.

You may read the sign "Beware, Danger Ahead," regarding the wolves, spiders, snakes, mudslides, or icy turns and you may take a risk and tread there.

There is no warning sign with the ones draped in artificial light, wearing angel wings and speaking to you with empty understanding and words that tether you to the edge of a cliff.  "You must have faith dear one. Leap from here. You can fly like I can. See my beautiful wings. I got them from this light I carry. See this light? You could have this light too if you would only take a leap of faith in me and leave what you know in the shadows. You think you can help them? You can only help yourself dear one. You will never know how to get this light, these wings, if you carry on loving those who cannot carry themselves. Jump. Jump. Fly!"  

When you hang on the edge of this cliff by their words of smooth satin, you can only doubt the fall, or doubt the climb, you have not seen their wings in flight. You have not seen what their light is made of. You would hope for it to be true, real, and magnificent, yet you have no comparison.

Perhaps you could leap off the cliff by the words they tethered you to, the ideals they have claimed their expertise in knowing? You have said to the wind "be still," you have told the water to "stop raging," and you have gone to places that were forbidden and found diamonds sitting in mud.

Where was the winged light bearer then? Why were her words not found when you sat in darkness holding on to the light within? If her wings can fly, then why would I need to leap from the razors edge just to be saved by the very thing that saved me in the craggy narrow slivers of the deepest of caves?

No. I will climb back up to the edge of this cliff. I will stand and look at this person in her form, with my feet planted firmly on the ground.  I will see where her light was built, where her wings were formed. I will see with the same eyes that guided me through the terrifying places where fear creates monsters and shackles the hands of the ordinary.

When I see, I will see. When I look, I will see. When I listen, I will know. I will understand that there is no light brighter than the one hidden within. There are no wings capable of saving me from this fall other than the ones I have never had to use in vain. I stand on the razors edge. The arrival here on this cliff's edge did not require wings. I have found this place with the shifting steps, the eroded paths, and the light within which picked up many others who were lost, many who knew a better way, and some who had finished their journey too soon.

All that you were given, all that is guaranteed in this life is that you were made by the fabric of all of creation. Love. Do not be afraid of what you are. You are love. We are love. There is nothing more, nothing less, nothing hidden, nothing found, nothing that you need to know more to guide your way than love.

Love is the only tether that binds us all. It is the only truth that cannot be covered by lies. It is only lessened by the fear of expressing it fully. It IS who you are.

When all is in ruin, all has turned to ash, all has been forgotten, grown old and tired, lost its material form, there is only one energy that remains to rebuild and restore.
Love.

So.... if this finds you in these typed words, or in the smile of a stranger, or the laugh of a baby, or the wagging tail of a puppy, or a random act of compassion...it is love that caused these things to be. How can you be broken if you have offered or received even one of these moments created by love?
If you have recognized it in the shadows, seen it in the darkest of hours, then you have seen the wings of angels in flight next to you.

Know thyself. Know thyself to BE thyself and yet one with all of creation which was formed by love.
 -Edgar Cayce