The Dream That Changed Everything
Back in 2005- The Los Angeles Years
God Screams At Me, "WAKE UP!"
I'll proceed to the meat of this entry now...
After the realization of synchronistic events taking place left and right in my miserable life back in LA, I began a ruthless internal quest for answers of how, why, and when I could "get out" of the existence I was living. I had many close friends that I would secretly confide in about how much I hated where I was living and how depressed I was. One friend in particular had just moved to San Francisco from Texas. She was just as miserable as I was, but we had a unique way of coping with our conjoined misery. We used comedic scenarios to make each other laugh about how badly our lives sucked at the time. We would say, "Today, it's baby aspirin time." We thought it was hilarious to joke about suicide by "baby aspirin." No, we weren't crazy, just comedians. Those little jabs about taking baby aspirin and throwing ourselves into a bottomless pit, became my daily dose of lighthearted fun in the midst of very real darkness.
Okay here goes nothin'...
One day I was scheduled to work at my least favorite job off of Larchmont Avenue in Los Angeles. I worked part-time for a store that furnished a great deal of wardrobe for various film productions in and around LA. Most of the people who worked at this place were certifiably crazy. They made me feel even more alone because I couldn't connect no matter how hard I tried. My schedule that day began at 2pm. I was going to work until close that day. I was feeling extremely tired and thought it might be good to take a nap. My psycho boyfriend was out of town on a gig somewhere in Canada or China(can't remember where) and I had the place to myself. No fights. No crazy making conversations, no manipulation. Free! Oftentimes I would contemplate how I could leave him but the good natured part of me wouldn't allow myself to just abandon someone who 'had problems.'
Regardless, I was happy he was out of town and I could just relax.
I decided to take a nap. It was around 11:30am. I had no real furniture, so I made a pallet on the floor and just fell asleep, fast.
Most of my life, I can remember falling asleep and spinning in a vortex, round and round, like a wormhole, a kaleidoscope of colors and images would be spinning in the vortex with me. This feeling I knew very well and I dreaded it. I've always been a lucid dreamer, able to control myself within a dream, and pull myself out of a dream when necessary. Typically, in these "vortex" parts of my dream, I would consciously say to myself, "oh no, not this again..." I had gone quite a few years without this vortex sensation. This harmless nap I was taking was far from being just an ordinary nap. I started going into the vortex within seconds of falling asleep. I saw my body laying there on the floor, I was suspended above it in almost an etheric unseen realm. I decided to let go and just travel to wherever it was I was headed through this vortex sensation.
I came out on the other side and I was greeted by the warmest group of people I've ever known. I was slightly confused, which they found mildly amusing, and it was as though they were "rolling out the red carpet" for my arrival there. The feeling I had was as though I knew all of them in some fashion but they weren't on my plane of existence. There was one male in particular who gave off a vibe of being "the one in charge." I felt particularly close to him. It was a feeling that I imagine war veterans feel when they run into an old comrade that they fought beside in a perilous battle. That feeling of knowing someone on such a deep level that no words can be said that would encompass such closeness. He said, "Welcome back. You have been missed, but before all of that, let's get you caught up. I'm sure you are confused. It's natural to be. You've had one of the hardest journeys, but before we get into all of that, why don't we go back here and get you a little less confused." All of this seemed to be telepathically communicated with feelings, not so much dialog. I went into an area with a large chair and a type of viewing screen/window. I could see out and I could see the expanse of the galaxy. It was so beautiful, it was home.
Before I was debriefed, I had to look out of this window to what was being called, "the sea of souls." It was where all of the energy/soul matrix' of every individual waiting to be placed into a body was being held. It looked like a vast ocean of the top crest of a wave, interloping and weaving in and out of one another in a blue etheric plane. It was stunningly beautiful. I looked out and remembered how much I loved all of them. They were pure energy and light. They had been cleansed of any distortions or sins or flaws. They were all One yet they were individual making up a collective sea of pure light energy. A female that I knew very well approached me. She was kind of a part of me, but I never knew her in waking life. She had to say goodbye to me and gave me this hug of sorts... it was more like an energetic joining and then separation. She told me that she had "to go there," looking out at the sea of souls, but assured me that I would no longer need her assistance, not to worry, etc... In a nutshell, she was headed out to be placed in service to the One Creator, but she was proud of how strong I was and assured me that I would be fine from now on. It felt like she was kind of a twin soul of some sort. When she embraced me, we looked like a yin/yang of energy, a puzzle that fit together beautifully. I was sad to see her go, but I knew it was her duty somehow?
I proceed to the room/viewing window. I sit down in this large chair that was somehow hooked up to the energy of whomever sat in it. It could read your unique signature of your being's energy and run a "program" of the history of information that would trigger the "remembering" of who you were, why you were on earth, and a type of download of the entire history of creation itself and how you were integrated and perfectly placed to be of assistance to "your assignment."
I'm finding this story hard to write... forgive my errors in explaining things correctly. Most of this information is beyond words and the majority of it I'm not allowed to remember. (I'll get to that)
This "download" of EVERYTHING, all the history of life itself, was almost instantaneously delivered with images, sensations, sounds, feelings, and and and... It all culminated to the "playback" of when I decided to take on a mission on Earth. There was a board room type area with several people, including me, looking at a schematic of Earth and all of the strategic entry points, scenarios, and cause/effect outcomes. We had a BIG mission. It felt like it was a collaborative effort between our group and several other factions who were trying to restore balance to Earth. The planning of placing certain souls in certain areas was of the upmost importance. It had to be planned out perfectly and there were various routes any one soul could take that would reach maximum effectiveness. The plans were of a Divine request. Each group participating in this secret war between good and evil had to volunteer, give free will consent to take on such a huge responsibility.
The feeling I had while being given this information of "remembering my origin" was that of a huge undertaking of many different factions and groups operating in a Divine directive to help humanity overcome the dark forces that were present on Earth. Imagine any war movie taking place in the planning phase and you will understand the feeling. It was a serious operation and it could go very wrong. For one, the persons who were volunteering for the missions had to be "mind erased" so that they would not artificially "do their job." They had to forget their mission/who they really were so that it would be in alignment with the One Creator/Divine will of free will. Otherwise, we would be no better than the dark forces that were 100% aware of their horrible plans to corrupt humanity and feed off of their fear and pain. Literally, humanities fear, pain, sadness, was a sort of "food" for the dark forces that had completely distorted all nations on Earth.
The particular group I was a part of seemed to be in charge of other groups that were doing the same type of volunteer missions. I was an officer of some sort. A high ranking/yet rank didn't matter, or overseer of this kind of weigh station area for souls. There was one assignment on this "board room table" that seemed really urgent and it could be split up into several assignments for several volunteers, but whomever was going to do it needed to act fast because the next wave of "the mission" had to be "sent to Earth" during this particular window of time. We were all gathered around and looking at the possibilities of volunteers, but none of the options seemed like a win-win. Certain hallmarks had to be met, certain people had to be introduced to other people, and the dark forces were going to be highly aware of that particular assignment due to the persons who were already in the family structures. It was like a 1-1000000000000000000000 chance of everything working out without being ruined or distorted by hundreds of variables.
Time was ticking and I apparently said, "I'll do it." And the man I mentioned earlier spoke up and said, "What do you mean? No, we have plenty of new volunteers who we could send, we just need to sort it out." That is when I said, "we don't have time to sort it out and get them trained to know what to do, and besides, there's no guarantee that it would do any good anyway the way we have this mission split up into 4 different assignments! What if it was just all lumped into one assignment. It could be done. It would be almost impossible but it could be done. We could put certain signs encoded that I would remember and enhance the distortion toward curiosity, or mathematical patterns..." The man interrupted me and said, "no, it's impossible to connect all of these lines together. How are you going to do that? That is when we realized that one of the mother figures needed a catalyst moment because she was lost and kind of karmically caught up in a bad cycle. We knew that she was most likely inclined to give a baby up for adoption during this time period due to her self-loathing and inability to see a way out of her situation. The other family group would be guided by a member of our group who was already incarnate at the time. She will suggest adoption to her daughter and this will re-trigger her/her line's love energy and heal the partner she chose. The rest of the story is risky at best." I was trained and I was strong but I had to lose all knowledge of that before coming to Earth. I would have subtle hints and signs that would trigger the "knowing" of the assignment, but it was going to be a crap shoot. However, if it worked, if I was successful, then it would be one of many assignments that could tip the scales in the favor of Good.
It was like a "butterfly effect" module but strategically mapped out with endless possible outcomes.
After I was given all the information about how I "got into this mess," I felt so in awe. I was so full of love and light and a feeling of euphoria over how much we are all loved by the One Creator. It blew my mind how much effort was being directed at such fragile creatures like animals, humans, the air we breathe, water, etc... The effort was unparalleled in it's dedication to be of service to Earth because of it being a Divine order. The Earth was an anomalous situation, one that wasn't the standard for all intelligent life in the universe. Earth had been corrupted from day one, and the primary law of Free Will had been hijacked by forces who claimed to be creators, but were posers. The Earth is the number one concern in the entire universe. The success of Earth is a team effort on the part of countless intelligent loving beings, angelic beings, and millions of volunteers who have decided to come into human form, forget their origins, and restore wisdom, balance, and bring love & light.
After I was given all of this information, the origin of everything, including myself, I was asked if I wanted to stay or go back. I said, "what? Is it over or?" I was told that I had "done enough, more than what was expected, and that was the arrangement we made." In my mind, I felt like I had just begun living? I said, "well, I enjoy the performing stuff there. That's been fun. I have a real talent for singing and dance.(we laughed) I mean, I'm sure I could do a lot more?" They said, "Sure you can. But it's all up to you. You completed the tasks we assigned and even more than what we thought was possible. You can come back here, or you can stay and enjoy the rest of your time there, help out the cause, but if you go back to Earth, you cannot take the information with you. You can take some of it, but not the details. That's the way this works, remember? (we laughed)" I thought about it and thought about how upset everyone would be on Earth, but I ultimately made the decision to come back to Earth because I wanted to enjoy living, have some adventures, etc..
As I left this plane of wherever I was, I tried to hold on to the information I gained in the "download chair," but a very kind voice said, "You can't take it back with you, you must let it go if you want to return." I realized my transition back to Earth/back to my body was being disrupted somewhat by my "hanging on" to information. You may be asking how I know as much as I do? Or how I kept/retained as much as I did? I was allowed to remember what I've written in this blog. I was not allowed to remember where I was, names, or the details on every aspect of divine creation or the hierarchy of the various realms of the heavenly beings/their role in Earth events, etc...
I woke up back in my body and looked at the clock. I thought I was late for work, and began rushing around getting dressed and grabbing my bag, keys, and other necessities to leave. I looked at my cell phone and I had close to 48 missed calls. I thought that this had to be a mistake. There was no way 48 phone calls came into my phone during a 2 hour nap, right? I listed to several voice messages and they were all from my employer wondering where I was, why I wasn't picking up the phone, was I coming in later, was I okay? My Mom called me and said that my job had called her asking if she knew where I was, that I hadn't reported to work or contacted them.
I looked at the date on my phone and I couldn't believe it. I was missing time. My 2 hour nap was more like 2 days! What happened? Where was I? The panic set in and I had to figure out how to explain myself. That is when something profound happened to me. I took a breath, thought for a split second about the panic I was in, then remembered the dream. I remembered the point of the experience. I remembered that I said "I want to go back to Earth to enjoy myself for once. To live my dream, see what happens, have an adventure..." I decided to leave LA. I quit my job that I hated. I received a phone call from a friend asking me if I wanted to run a business with him back in Texas, do a show that I enjoyed doing each year for the State Fair of Texas.... I dumped my horrible boyfriend that had kept me in an emotional lockdown for many years. I dropped 40 pounds of excess weight that I have never gained back. I had crazy physical transformations happening left and right. My teeth magically were not gapped in the middle, my orthodontic bite problem was fixed, my face looked different, I grew 2 full inches taller and I felt like I was awake for the first time ever. The best part of the transformation was that I no longer had to battle terrible paranormal experiences every night. I had been plagued my entire life at night by various dark horribly demonic entities. No, seriously, I'm not joking... it was "a thing" that I dealt with most of my life. After this wonderful journey to the place before "my place here," I never dealt with the dark nightmarish entities again.
My entire experience of living changed. I was able to have fun, enjoy movies, I felt smarter, in control, free to express myself fully. The trees looked greener!
Our existence is magical. We are surrounded by millions of volunteers who came here because they won't give up on this human experience or the planet itself. The main thing I learned with this journey is that nothing is an accident, we are all divinely connected, we are all part of the Sea of Souls, we are all manifestations of One ocean of energy that expresses itself in countless infinite ways through YOU. You are me. I am you. We are One. One is all.
There is no death. There is no punishment that is forever. It isn't black and white. It is only the endless experience through the infinite expression of the All. You are the gift. You bring with you the only thing you need in this experience here....yourself. By giving what you are, nothing more, nothing less, you have completed your assignment, you have brought balance where there was imbalance, and you have and will continue to do so through giving the gift of the expression that is You. We are all connected to each other endlessly and infinitely. I've seen it, I know it's true.
Anything that separates you from knowing you are loved and knowing you are One, a part of the All, is a distorted imbalance. I write this blog today, disclosing this story about my experience, for one reason only. The "mission" is to bring the truth of how we are all One. Anything that separates you from that knowing is to be rejected, discarded and put in the recycle bin. There is no racism, there is no poor, rich, famous, homeless, stupid, smart, Christian, Muslim, Jew, Gentile....THAT is the distortion, the imbalance. We are all you, we are all me, we are all each other because we are all part of the All. Imagine 5 minutes of everyone treating each other as though the "other selves" were an extension of "self." Golden Rule? Yes. Perhaps we've heard it too much and so it becomes sounds and words that are too familiar to our ears? I don't know, but I know that what I experienced was meant for everyone to know. I wasn't special. I had arranged for that "wake up call" before I came here. Maybe you have arranged for similar alarms for your own awakening?
I hope you enjoyed the story. I hope that it reaches inside you and pulls out some truth that you needed at the moment you read it. We must let ourselves love our 'other selves' and we must see similarities in each other instead of differences. Our experiences are all part of the canvas to a beautiful work of painting that we cannot see from where we stand right now. Keep painting. I'm sure once you see the whole picture, it will take your breath away.