Sunday, July 24, 2016

What Is Happening!

Many people are feeling the effects of the chaos that is perpetually happening in the world. From the mass shootings, riots, rogue factions creating fear, disinformation of information, it's all seeming like too much to mentally process.

Have you asked yourself in your quiet moments if this all seems kind of unreal?
Something feels off, no doubt about it.

I'd like to pose a question/theory about why it seems so horrible right now. Roll with me here...

When a disease is being eradicated, knows it's being "dealt with," it holds on for dear life, your life. The body knows it is something that shouldn't be there, but oftentimes, the virus or disease will mask itself, hide, or worsen something else that was dormant in the body for years.

I believe the micro always represents the Macro, or as the ancient Egyptians believed, "as above, so below."

We  have a very real, very intense battle going on right now between good and evil, enlightenment and ignorance, and love vs. fear.  Why didn't I say Love vs. Hate? I didn't use the word hate, because "hatred" isn't what the core issue is here. The root of hatred is and always has been- Fear.

We destroy what we don't understand. We dissect and dismantle what we want to know more about, but fear knowing when the deconstructed 'thing' is active or alive. It's too close to us when it's moving about, alert, aware, or behaving in its natural habitat. We must render it inactive before we take it apart to see all of it's moving parts.

This is human nature, or so we  have been programmed to believe.

I don't believe this.

When an athlete conditions himself/herself for a big competition, they build to the peak level of performance. They don't start off by blowing out their body in a long distance run followed by a 7 hour weight lifting session. They begin by slowly introducing new habits, new routines, and gradually add or level up their training at a very methodically planned out pace.

 In other words, a good conditioning program is one that begins slowly and knows the long-game results of each incremental step to perfection of the "win."

Why am I talking about conditioning in athletes?
Conditioning is one of the oldest psychological techniques in recorded history. The Roman's wouldn't barge into a place and just massacre everyone the first day of the siege. They did something far more sinister.

They would build their camps within eye-shot of the soon-to-be sieged area. They had a "long game" approach to take over the city. The camps weren't shoddy tents or cheaply built sleeping arrangements either. They were as elaborate as a temporary structure could be.

Most of these siege camps had running water, plumbing, and resources that sustained the Roman army for months, even years!

The local people who could see the construction of these camps would watch in fear. Eventually, they became accustomed to seeing the Roman's outside of their village. They became complacent and lost their fear of the original threat eventually. T

he Romans knew this and when everyone was desensitized to their presence, they struck. It was as easy as stomping on a bug or destroying an ant hill at that point. They would take over the city and then would psychologically manipulate the people to the point that the victims would feel "grateful" and see the Romans in a positive light!

 They would feel appreciative of the high tech plumbing, running water, beautiful architecture, exotic foods.

Never realizing what they lost. They lost their home, lost their identity, and lost all of their personal freedoms.

Sound familiar? It should. Our entire westernized system of government, banking, and acquisition is based on the Roman empire's psychological tactics. Before Rome, it was called the Babylonian Money Magik system. First is the fear, then the choice, then the apathy, then the effortless take over of personal liberties, property, authenticity of the individual, the rich get richer, the poor work harder.

If you don't believe that, let me give you another example.

When an impoverished region of the world gets "aid" by wealthy nations, the first thing that changes in the region is their trade system. Currency is introduced instead of trade among neighboring villages. (which is what they did successfully for thousands of years)

Usually their own trading system has failed because the closest developed region no longer gives them essentials, medical care, or supply routes to do trade. A faction of "terrorists" are usually along these supply lines and eventually after many sad and horribly violent acts have taken place, the people decide it is best to starve than to be raped, imprisoned, or for their family units to be broken up by these guerrilla mafia type groups. These militia types are on a payroll. They have the best weapons, they come from the general area... So why are they raping and torturing and slaughtering innocent nomadic people for wanting food? What is it to them? Money? Well, they didn't have a monetary system for thousands of years, so they are willing to slaughter their own people over pieces of paper? You bet they are. And you can also bet that they are on the direct deposit of some "civilized" government that created them to break the spirit of the already broken people of the region. But don't worry... the savior is coming... and it's a piece of paper.

That neighboring "successful" region was once just like the impoverished one... and the same type of Romanized conquering method happened to them. So, the more progressive locals try to talk to the impoverished tribal people and say, "the best thing is to just let them come in and help you. You'll have hospitals, schools, clothing, And those militia guys will stop killing you and raping your wives."

Bear in mind that these tribal people never needed western medicine before the 'west' moved into the region and brought their diseases with them.  They weren't hungry until their land was pilfered and polluted by big industrial plants or mining operations. They had schools, but their schools were more spiritually based, lessons of the forefathers, survival, astronomy, charting the seasons, when to plant crops, how to heal the spirit, mind, and body... how to mother, how to make goods that provide for everyone in the village.  Now their schools include classes about the Founders of Government or Economy, or my favorite... American & British History. GIVE ME A BREAK.

Fast forward to a decade in the future... Huge industrial plants were built on their once sacred ground. Generations of people who once charted the stars and knew how to provide for their entire community are now in polluted industrial assembly lines, disconnected from nature, animals, and other-selves.

I use the term "other selves" because your neighbor, fellow humans, we are all connected. They are you, you are them, we are each other. We are individual as far as our gifts, personality, and distinct vibrational frequency that we project to the world... but if I hurt you, I hurt myself.
If I enslave you, I have enslaved myself. There's a pact between us all, a balance.

"Every action has an equal or opposite reaction." -Isaac Newton.

On a quantum level, all energy, matter, you, I, them... Everything has a force/action. So that being said, every Action must be met with an additional action of equal or opposite REACTION.
That means, to me, we are connected on an energetic level with every single thing in the universe. There is no action without reaction. Looks like that takes more than just 'self' to make the laws of energy and inertia applicable, right?

This is a scientific way of explaining the ancient eastern philosophies of Karma. It isn't that we are punished because something decided to react without our "act." It is because we acted that there is a Reaction. Push and pull. Light and Dark. Up and down.

What happens when action is directed to something that isn't acting? If I push you and you don't fall, you have either to react by pushing back, or by standing there and taking it. Either one of those options is still a reaction. There cannot be non-reaction.

Some may quote the biblical verse, "turn the other cheek." That was still a Reaction.

My point is coming... I promise. Stay strapped in, and we will reach the end of the ride, you have my word.

Everything happening in our world right now is a Reaction to something, right? We know that Reaction and Action are one in the same. Infinitely interweaving within each other.

It may seem like all of the chaos is just an unstoppable snake eating it's own tail. If we react to all of the problems, we cause another action, causing more problems that we react to... rinse and repeat ad infinitum.

In order to know how to jump out of the tornado, we have to see what all was swept up within it.  That tornado is a torsion field that is now spiraling out of control and gobbling up people, places, ideas,  joy, happiness, dignity, liberties... you name it, it's going to be swallowed up by that vortex of destruction, right?  What is fueling it? Why on earth isn't that tornado slowing down?


We have been conditioned, just like the athlete, or just like the frog in boiling water, to not realize we are building up layers of tolerance to things we shouldn't tolerate. Who is conditioning us? How? Is this just a bunch of conspiracy crap? No, sadly it's not.

What if you didn't watch or look at any mainstream media for one week. Just one. Imagine it. One week you didn't read the paper, didn't check Twitter, didn't log on to Facebook, didn't flip on CNN or Fox or your local news at 9pm.

Instead, you decided to meet everyone that lives on the street you live on, or the apartment complex you rent from. For one week, your information is just getting to know everyone that lives within a mile of you.
 First thing in the morning, you go outside and have a conversation with a couple of people who are also outside. Maybe they tell you about their grandchildren, or how they saw a shooting star the night before, or how a squirrel was pestering them all morning... or maybe they want nothing to do with you at all and flip you the bird and walk off.

 Whatever the case is, by the end of that week, there would be such a sense of realness, interdependence, love, support, understanding, compassion... Now, let's say that for the next following week, you were told that you couldn't speak to any of those people and you could only use your phone to check social media, CNN, Fox, read the paper, etc...

I can tell you this...
 It would be shocking to your system. You would feel like everything you experienced within that week of zero media was like a dream. "That's not the real world anyway. I can't believe that I was talking about stupid squirrels with my neighbor and terrorists were raiding another city and slaughtering everyone!" Were they? As far as you were concerned, the squirrel that was banging on your window with acorns was the terrorist that week.  How would you feel if your community was infiltrated by actual terrorists before you spent a week bonding with them? Second option is if you never knew any of them but "read about it" or "saw it on the news."

Very different outcomes of that cause and effect thing I was talking about a few paragraphs earlier.

The conditioning is the key element here. 

We are being conditioned, have been conditioned, to accept that there is nothing we can do, our feelings aren't valid, everything the media says is happening is actually happening.  They condition us to know who the bad guys are, who the good guys are, who the victims are, the why's, where, when and how, are all spelled out for us every day.

We haven't met our "neighbors" folks. We have no idea about why any of this is happening in our world because we are just told that it's "our problem now."

"What are we going to do about it!" "Our lives matter!" "See there, the cops are out of control!" "They are killing everyone for no damn reason." "This ISIS group is a bunch of muslims and Islam is bringing down the world!" "Trump is bad, Trump is good, Hilary is a crook, Hilary is a woman savior, the anti-Christ... "Another shooting, this time in...." "Innocent people were mowed down by a truck...." "Munich shooting kills 9, possible terrorist ties...."  

It goes on and on and on and on and on.... We react, they act, we react, they act, we act, they react.... Through this process we are conditioning ourselves to expect the worst. Each day brings "additional weight" to our conditioning program.  By the end of this conditioning, we will be apathetic, numb, and conditioned perfectly to expect horrible things, roll over and take it.  What's the use, right?

Wrong. We have to know what and who we are reacting to before it becomes a juggernaut and stops the momentum of all of these attacks on our collective consciousness. We do have power. We have all of the power.

"Rome" has built the camps around our consciousness.  All it is waiting for is for our renunciation, our apathy, our complacency. Then our consciousness will be sieged and we will not even remember why we fought so hard to keep "rome" out? They brought us solutions! They brought us a new way to live, a new way to think, they delivered us from this apathy and gave us amenities that we didn't have before... What are we lacking, we have Everything, right?

We will have nothing. We only have what they told us we have, what they brought with them, and we have lost our consciousness or birthright in the process to a manipulative few that have a template for how they condition the masses. We just reacted to it for so long that now,  we built up a tolerance to the pain, the lies, the social engineering. That's it. Show is over.

What can we do now?

We can be aware of this conditioning. We can dare ourselves to see beyond what is being said, or force fed as fact and power shoved down our throats. We can choose to not be sheep. Our shepherd is and has been a monster for a long time... But we've been steadily eating the poisoned grass as we edge closer and closer to the side of the cliff. That false "shepherd" or "system" doesn't care if we fall off the edge, die from poisoned grass. There are always more sheep, there are always new ways to poison those sheep. Those sheep do a lot of the heavy lifting. They "mow the back 40" for FREE? Yeah, I think I want to own some of those sheep.  The fine print is this... "

Warning: Please keep the sheep unaware of the true nature of the shepherd's monstrous appearance or they won't herd together and they will not follow you. Make sure to give them some delicious food every once in a while, but not very much. Just enough to make them think they earned it. If they want too much of the good stuff, start poisoning it. If they begin to wander off,  make an example out of the one that wandered off in front of the herd. If the herd lives too long, add more poison to their water supply. Keep the herd at a manageable size. They don't know what is best for them, but we, the monsters do. If you have a black sheep born into your herd, be very careful. The black sheep tend to be a bit more unruly than the white sheep. You may need to scare them more than the others. If a real shepherd stops by and suspects that you are mistreating your herd, just take his herd and ridicule his abilities to lead. Soon enough, all the shepherds will be our kind, and the herd won't even realize it."

I urge all of us to not react, not eat the poisoned grass, pay attention to where the razor's edge is, and for the love of Humanity, let's unmask the shepherd and face the REAL monster!  We must wake up folks. There is no separation. We've been told to be separate. We've been instructed ever so subtly who to hate. We don't even know what team we are playing on anymore! What is the game we are playing? What inning is it? We've been told that you must be this or that. Republican or Democrat. Rich or Poor. Smart and Stupid. Crazy or Sane. Christian or Muslim. Gay or Straight. Male and Female. And with each option, there are sub options that go along with those things... not because they actually do apply to those descriptions, but because we've been conditioned to believe certain things and reject any type of open ended idea or inquiry.

"What box do you want to fit in? Here are your options... there are only the options we provide for you. If you don't check the box, you can't be here. Only the people who check the options we've provided are allowed here. Everyone else  can wait in the other area and we will be in shortly to condition you some more. "  

"Resistance is futile." -The Borg, Star Trek. "All will be assimilated." 

We must raise our awareness of this type of conditioning. We are being brainwashed and poisoned a little bit at a time, each day, to ready all of our consciousness for some Major change/takeover. That is what is happening. History repeats itself until it doesn't!

We must start asking questions about what is truth, what is disinformation, what is distracting us from something we all need to be asking questions about and holding people accountable for. We must proudly display our "tin foil hats" and march into the face of all that we are being fed right now about who the terrorists are, why they are doing what they are, who is to blame, why guns are killing cops, why black people are being targeted, why transgendered bathroom drama is getting top billing...
Why why why are we having to power dunked by the media into tubs of  pain, tragedy, injustice, racial inequality, religious wars... Why are we being told EXACTLY who the "bad guys are," instead of why it's happening and why it isn't stopping? It's getting stupid.

"Clean your plate, or you don't get any dessert."  Oh, I guess I better eat all that was given to me whether or not I even like it because I really want the pleasure of that pay off brownie sundae later.
The sundae never comes. The sundae was a lie. But before you get that sundae, you have to eat another plate, then another, then another...then you are violently puking up your force fed dinners and that is when the dessert tray comes rolling out. "Oh you don't want dessert now? I thought you wanted dessert? Well, this is the last time you are going to see this dessert tray for a while so are you absolutely sure you don't want it?"

We end up refusing what originally would have made us happy because we were forcibly eating things that did not make us happy for so long that we are now sick. Very sick.

Let's get our heads out of the sand. Let's start asking the tough questions. Let's flip up the couch and see what kind of nasty roaches are living under there. It's going to suck, but we have to do this or we will be overrun by vermin.

We are all One. We are in this together. We must start acting like it. Love each other. Love your neighbor. Love the weirdo down the street. What can it possibly hurt just to think loving thoughts about others? What can it strip from you to think that we are all more connected than we are separate? This is actually our super hero power, our Divine right...

Quantum Entanglement is our secret Avenger's weapon against all of this horror, fear and hatred. That weapon can also destroy us. That is what it is doing now.  If we are all focused or "entangled" in the conditioning of fear and separation, we will play right into the trap.

We must entangle our consciousness with love and wisdom. We must want to wish love to those who we have been conditioned to think are different or separate from us. They aren't. They ARE us. We Are them. It is scientifically impossible for us to not be connected to each other on an energetic level!

So why are we being brow beaten into thinking that we aren't connected, that we Are different, that you are this and I am that...?

Maybe, just maybe, the "roman army" that is waiting to siege our consciousness, our freedom, our identity, our humanity... Maybe they have the same knowledge of how Quantum Entanglement works too.  It works both ways. Remember that.

We must begin thinking of Loving each other.  Listen to me, we can do this. We must do this. We can and will win this time if we all join together and accept each other as ourselves. It's not unrealistic. Just start by smiling at someone you don't know. Saying hello to the gas station attendant and wishing him/her a happy day. That annoying person that drives you crazy? Try laughing instead of fuming. After all, it is hilarious how worked up we can get over someone who smacks their food or has a stupid look on their face. Just laugh about it. Release it. Begin small. One kind act leads to a reaction.  Let's start a domino effect of healing action. Let's redirect our normal Reactions to actions that are not passive, not violent, but entirely opposite from what we typically do.  It's up to us to lead ourselves. It's up to us to help each other. It's up to us to love one another and forgive ourselves and others.

Thanks for reading this.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

The Dream That Changed Everything

The Dream That Changed Everything

by Melodee Lenz 

Back in 2005- The Los Angeles Years 

I was living in Los Angeles. The year prior to that, I was living in New York. Quite the contrast of, "vibes," going from one place to the other. I was miserable in Los Angeles. I was living next door to Paramount Studios in a 400' sqf apartment with ZERO amenities. Seriously, there was no stove, fridge, microwave, and there was a giant hole in the ceiling above the toilet. You could actually see clouds through that hole. The apartment had a giant billboard outside of my bedroom window that said, "Ramses." My sense of humor had created many deep philosophical jokes about that. I was living under the sign of Ramses in a very metaphorical way, i.e. a slave in the empire of vanity. 

 I was in a very strained relationship at the time, with someone who was taking advantage of my good nature at every turn he could. He had for years, and I kept forgiving and trying to be of help to him.  He was a tortured soul, broken, and had addiction history that could've been worthy of one of those horrible reality shows on TLC. I had never done drugs, didn't like alcohol, and pretty much assumed all of the insanity that I had experienced in my life was 100% due to being gullible and/or an idiot. 

Life had come to the metaphorical, "boiling point," and I knew I was either going to be cooked, or I was going to have to jump out of the pot before certain death occurred. I felt like my life had been nothing but unusually painful events, triumphs,  and a rinse & repeat of both of those things.

 Most of the unusual aspects of my life involved things I couldn't talk about with anyone without fear of being carried away in a white padded "Crazy Bus." From the moment I could walk and talk, I had been tormented by paranormal entities. I'm not strictly speaking of ghosts either. I'm talking about things that were never, "us." Massively tall horrifying creatures with spindly teeth, black cloaks, red slit-pupil eyes, and enormous claws, wings, and the ability to permeate my mind, dreams, and effect every person in my life by making them angry. The other horrible side-effect of this nasty entity was how it wore me down physically as a child. I was sick constantly. I vomited weekly, I had reoccurring infections of my lungs, throat, ears, and routinely had bouts of anemia. The sicker I got, the more it attacked me. However, somehow I remained alive, and I could mentally/spiritually fight it off. 

I got better with age at fighting this thing. My will power was unreal. I could persevere through anything, and did. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by writing about the less-than noble actions of certain family members, but let's just say that I had torment coming from all angles, all-the-time.  

On a positive note, I had just as many powerful moments on the good side of things too.  I was a great entertainer, had many talents, had many friends and an incredible sense of humor. I also knew how to forgive, let go, and forget about the bad stuff. 

Although these traits of altruism and forgiveness are coveted by most, they are also the reason I stayed in horrible friendships and relationships... They were also caustic of how I managed to go against the grain and live in Los Angeles against my better judgement. 

I hated LA. HATED IT.  Most people I encountered exhibited the worst aspects of humanity and seemed proud to be wearing their flaws on the outside of their clothing. They were vain, self-centered, ruthless, competitive, and artificial to the core. 

Of course I met some good people too, but I can count them on one hand. 

In everything I did, I always feared something lurking around that could show up at any time to torment me. Meaning- the horrific entity and his counterparts that seemed to follow me everywhere I moved... and ghosts... lots of ghosts. If a place was known to be haunted, I would accidentally move into that very place. I kept quiet about these things because I knew that nobody would believe me. Remember, this was 2005... I know that isn't a long time ago,  but people were not as accepting of the paranormal back then. There were exceptions of a few ghost hunting shows that had newly launched on the Syfy network, but they were still in the experimental phase of programming.   

The relationship I was in at the time was getting worse. It was always bad, but unknown to me, I was waking up and realizing I could reclaim my sense of self. Anytime the oppressed becomes aware of their oppressors, a revolution begins.  I looked forward to the weeks when he was gone, working gigs outside of the country.  

My best friend at the time was living in San Francisco. She had recently moved there and she was having bad luck left and right, as was I. I would call her and we would joke around about "ending it all" with baby aspirins. We would laugh at this mental imagery of chewing up huge portions of cherry flavored Bayer Children's aspirin and how it would take a lot of effort to kill oneself in this way... so at least you'd feel like you deserved the death because, you know,  it was "hard work."  If that sounds dark, it probably was, but we have that type of humor with each other. No red flags were raised and no "help lines" were called. We knew we were just joking around and trying to add some type of levity to the miserable conditions of our lives at the time. 

I was working at a shop that provided a great deal of wardrobe for various production studios around LA. This job was my "day job," but it was the only job paying consistent money and it didn't suck all that hard. It sucked though. I would run into celebrities daily, some were cool, most were not. The worst one I ran into was Katherine Heigl (sp?). She was a horrible person. So was Patricia Heaton.  Both of these ladies were horribly rude and predatory in their desire to make everyone feel like total sh*t.  Of course, they were probably full of self doubt and pain, and hey... so was I! 
I digress... a lot... sorry. 

I'm painting a picture of how horrible life was, but trust me, it was way worse than anything I've been able to hammer out in this blog. If I listed all the "bad luck" scenarios of 2004-2005, I would have to set aside an entire year to write it all down. Unbelievably horrible stuff went down in those years, but I kept going, kept my head above water, and trudged onward. 

God Screams At Me, "WAKE UP!

Before the subject of this blog, "the dream that changed everything," I had several events that happened that can't even be described as synchronistic. That word, in all of its infinite meaning, doesn't come close to describing the glaringly obvious miracles happening right in front of me. 

I had miracles my whole life, but I would think, "this must happen to everyone, I'm not special." That may be true, is true, but what IS special is how the synchronistic miracles were tailor made from my S.O.S. calls to the divine realms. I was getting more than clues, more than questions answered, I was being knocked in the face by miracle situations and I was still not "getting it."  

Example: An earthquake in the middle of the night rendered my toilet(the one with the hole in the ceiling to the outside) broken. It wouldn't flush, it wouldn't stop running, it was just going to become a "situation" if I didn't get a new pipe and rubber ring to go around the broken line. I went down Melrose to a 24 hour grocery store in the bad part of town. It was the only place I knew would have hardware for broken plumbing. #poorpeopleproblems 

Before I had gone to bed that night, I was asking the universe/God/Angels if my life meant anything, was I kidding myself with trying to be something bigger than what I was, "give me a sign," to let me know if I'm on the right path.  

So... fast forward several hours to the toilet exploding water... 

I'm driving to the ghetto grocery store in LA for plumbing supplies. I go into the store, which is full of drunks, crack heads, and about 2 cashiers who looked like they hadn't slept in 4 months. I'm standing in line and I notice this woman in front of me. She looks familiar. She looks like an overweight version of this girl in elementary school who tormented me daily. She was the popular girl in school, she was mean, and she was responsible for most of my elementary school days being known as "Shamu the Whale." She pushed cripple kids down the stairs, she destroyed my VIP Day presentation of my accomplishments(4th grade), and she would tell the teachers HUGE lies about me and put on fake tears... I'd get into trouble and I had done nothing wrong. She even faked a hand injury once and told everyone that "Melodee Lenz, Shamu, she stepped on my hand and she's so fat that she broke it." 

Yeah, that kind of person. She was EXACTLY the same in middle school too. She was one of three reasons I transferred out of that school and never looked back.  So... moving along with my story now... I was full of self-loathing. I thought that I wasn't perfect enough, thin enough(even though I worked out every single day and was a Raw Food Vegan) and and and.... Lots of self-esteem issues at the time. I had perfectionism issues. I put myself through regimens that would've had Navy Seals recruiting me if they only knew my "daily's" or mind-over-matter techniques. If I had a thought of, "I don't want to..." I would replace it with, "Well, now you are going to, and you are going to do it better than you did before." It was insanity.

 If I broke my diet, I would unleash such hell on myself for breaking an oath that I had made to myself. I took EVERYTHING very seriously and I lived my own private hell. To me, discipline and will power were more important than any other form of human experience. If I could make myself flawless, I'd could overcome anything. I had a saying, "Nobody can push me as hard as I push myself." I had learning problems in school, slow to read, slow to write, and slow to understand the English language in general. As a young adult, I was damn near a scholar and 100% self-taught. I read everything I could get my hands on, except fiction. Zero fiction allowed. I read science books, self-help books, ancient philosophy, ancient everything, physics books, medical journals, Eastern medicine text books, memorized everything... My point? I was REALLY  hard on myself. I think it was because I never wanted to feel vulnerable, stupid, fat, or helpless ever again if I could prevent it. 

Now... back to the... 

Grocery store check out line... Okay so this chick looks familiar... She looks like the worst kid I've ever known from my childhood school days, only this chick is extremely overweight and looks pretty worn out to just be 25 years old? Her credit card was declined. She started crying. She was clearly in a  bad situation and it seemed like she was 100% alone, broke, and desperate. 

I said, "I got this." I paid for her stuff... 

That's when I looked down and saw her driver's license and then saw her name... Courtney(leaving out the last name).... (words cannot describe how I felt at this moment... I was actually on the verge of passing out)  

She turned to me and said, "thank you. I'm Courtney. Thank you so much. I got trashed in Vegas and got married to this a**hole and he stole all my money and I'm just trying to get by until my brother wires me money and I can get home."  

I had the impression that she had told this story to many people that day and nobody believed her. Everyone in LA addicted to drugs tell similar stories. I mean to say that her story wasn't unusual to the jaded LA crowd. 

I said, "No problem Courtney. Happy to help." 

We walked out and she said, "I'm sorry, what was your name, I'm sorry if I didn't remember it, you probably told me but..." 

(she didn't ask me my name until that moment) 

As I walked to my car I said, "Shamu." 

She looked at me kind of confused, and said, "What was it?" I said, "Melodee Lenz. You can call me Shamu though. Be careful Courtney. I wouldn't tell your sob story to anyone around here, they won't be as accepting. Trust me, I know better than anyone how that feels."  She looked at me in a way I've never seen anyone look at me... 

It was as though her whole life crumbled... because it had to, but I had to be the one that shattered it. She had the same effect on me as well.  

Now, I ask you, look at the events that happened that led up to this moment of seeing your childhood arch enemy in a crack infested grocery store in the middle of Hollywood, middle of the night, all due to a mild earthquake that broke a line in the toilet which forced me to get out of bed and remedy the situation....  

Keep in mind that we went to a private school that was in rural Texas. The kind of school that doesn't lend itself to graduates leaving the zip code, let alone the state. To date, she is the only person I've ever run into from that school. And I run into her in the middle of the night in a bad neighborhood in LA? Miracle.  The  message I received was God SCREAMING at me... "LOOK, I'm here! Melodee! WAKE UP! You want proof of your life being worth something... here you go!" 

Well... Sadly, that wasn't enough for my gullible/easily influenced brain. My boyfriend at the time, was more like a narcissistic prison guard addicted to drugs; than he was a loving compassionate human being... 
I told him the story, expecting him to be just as blown away by it. He had no reaction and then turned the whole thing around on me with a lethal combo of shame n' blame, "why were you at that horrible place that late at night. You could've been killed. You should never go there again. Do  you hear me! Do you hear me? Of course you had some crazy thing happen because you vibed in that bullsh*t. "

The Awakening

I'll proceed to the meat of this entry now...

After the realization of synchronistic events taking place left and right in my miserable life back in LA, I began a ruthless internal quest for answers of how, why, and when I could "get out" of the existence I was living. I had many close friends that I would secretly confide in about how much I hated where I was living and how depressed I was. One friend in particular had just moved to San Francisco from Texas. She was just as miserable as I was, but we had a unique way of coping with our conjoined misery. We used comedic scenarios to make each other laugh about how badly our lives sucked at the time. We would say, "Today, it's baby aspirin time." We thought it was hilarious to joke about suicide by "baby aspirin." No, we weren't crazy, just comedians. Those little jabs about taking baby aspirin and throwing ourselves into a bottomless pit, became my daily dose of lighthearted fun in the midst of very real darkness. 

Okay here goes nothin'... 

One day I was scheduled to work at my least favorite job off of Larchmont Avenue in Los Angeles. I worked part-time for a store that furnished a great deal of wardrobe for various film productions in and around LA. Most of the people who worked at this place were certifiably crazy. They made me feel even more alone because I couldn't connect no matter how hard I tried. My schedule that day began at 2pm. I was going to work until close that day.  I was feeling extremely tired and thought it might be good to take a nap. My psycho boyfriend was out of town on a gig somewhere in Canada or China(can't remember where) and I had the place to myself. No fights. No crazy making conversations, no manipulation. Free!  Oftentimes I would contemplate how I could leave him but the good natured part of me wouldn't allow myself to just abandon someone who 'had problems.' 
Regardless, I was happy he was out of town and I could just relax. 

I decided to take a nap. It was around 11:30am. I had no real furniture, so I made a pallet on the floor and just fell asleep, fast. 

Most of my life, I can remember falling asleep and spinning in a vortex, round and round, like a wormhole, a kaleidoscope of colors and images would be spinning in the vortex with me. This feeling I knew very well and I dreaded it. I've always been a lucid dreamer, able to control myself within a dream, and pull myself out of a dream when necessary.  Typically, in these "vortex" parts of my dream, I would consciously say to myself, "oh no, not this again..."  I had gone quite a few years without this vortex sensation. This harmless nap I was taking was far from being just an ordinary nap. I started going into the vortex within seconds of falling asleep. I saw my body laying there on the floor, I was suspended above it in almost an etheric unseen realm. I decided to let go and just travel to wherever it was I was headed through this vortex sensation. 

I came out on the other side and I was greeted by the warmest group of people I've ever known. I was slightly confused, which they found mildly amusing, and it was as though they were "rolling out the red carpet" for my arrival there. The feeling I had was as though I knew all of them in some fashion but they weren't on my plane of existence. There was one male in particular who gave off a vibe of being "the one in charge." I felt particularly close to him. It was a feeling that I imagine war veterans feel when they run into an old comrade that they fought beside in a perilous battle. That feeling of knowing someone on such a deep level that no words can be said that would encompass such closeness.  He said, "Welcome back. You have been missed, but before all of that, let's get you caught up. I'm sure you are confused. It's natural to be. You've had one of the hardest journeys, but before we get into all of that, why don't we go back here and get you a little less confused."  All of this seemed to be telepathically communicated with feelings, not so much dialog. I went into an area with a large chair and a type of viewing screen/window. I could see out and I could see the expanse of the galaxy. It was so beautiful, it was home. 

Before I was debriefed, I had to look out of this window to what was being called, "the sea of souls." It was where all of the energy/soul matrix' of every individual waiting to be placed into a body was being held. It looked like a vast ocean of the top crest of a wave, interloping and weaving in and out of one another in a blue etheric plane. It was stunningly beautiful. I looked out and remembered how much I loved all of them. They were pure energy and light. They had been cleansed of any distortions or sins or flaws. They were all One yet they were individual making up a collective sea of pure light energy.  A female that I knew very well approached me. She was kind of a part of me, but I never knew her in waking life. She had to say goodbye to me and gave me this hug of sorts... it was more like an energetic joining and then separation. She told me that she had "to go there," looking out at the sea of souls, but assured me that I would no longer need her assistance, not to worry, etc... In a nutshell, she was headed out to be placed in service to the One Creator, but she was proud of how strong I was and assured me that I would be fine from now on. It felt like she was kind of a twin soul of some sort. When she embraced me, we looked like a yin/yang of energy, a puzzle that fit together beautifully.  I was sad to see her go, but I knew it was her duty somehow? 

I proceed to the room/viewing window. I sit down in this large chair that was somehow hooked up to the energy of whomever sat in it. It could read your unique signature of your being's energy and run a "program" of the history of information that would trigger the "remembering" of who you were, why you were on earth, and a type of download of the entire history of creation itself and how you were integrated and perfectly placed to be of assistance to "your assignment." 

I'm finding this story hard to write... forgive my errors in explaining things correctly. Most of this information is beyond words and the majority of it I'm not allowed to remember. (I'll get to that) 

This "download" of EVERYTHING, all the history of life itself, was almost instantaneously delivered with images, sensations, sounds, feelings, and and and...  It all culminated to the "playback" of when I decided to take on a mission on Earth.  There was a board room type area with several people, including me, looking at a schematic of Earth and all of the strategic entry points, scenarios, and cause/effect outcomes. We had a BIG mission. It felt like it was a collaborative effort between our group and several other factions who were trying to restore balance to Earth. The planning of placing certain souls in certain areas was of the upmost importance. It had to be planned out perfectly and there were various routes any one soul could take that would reach maximum effectiveness. The plans were of a Divine request. Each group participating in this secret war between good and evil had to volunteer, give free will consent to take on such a huge responsibility. 

The feeling I had while being given this information of "remembering my origin" was that of a huge undertaking of many different factions and groups operating in a Divine directive to help humanity overcome the dark forces that were present on Earth.  Imagine any war movie taking place in the planning phase and you will understand the feeling. It was a serious operation and it could go very wrong. For one, the persons who were volunteering for the missions had to be "mind erased" so that they would not artificially "do their job." They had to forget their mission/who they really were so that it would be in alignment with the One Creator/Divine will of free will. Otherwise, we would be no better than the dark forces that were 100% aware of their horrible plans to corrupt humanity and feed off of their fear and pain. Literally, humanities fear, pain, sadness, was a sort of "food" for the dark forces that had completely distorted all nations on Earth. 

The particular group I was a part of seemed to be in charge of other groups that were doing the same type of volunteer missions. I was an officer of some sort. A high ranking/yet rank didn't matter, or overseer of this kind of weigh station area for souls.  There was one assignment on this "board room table" that seemed really urgent and it could be split up into several assignments for several volunteers, but whomever was going to do it needed to act fast because the next wave of "the mission" had to be "sent to Earth" during this particular window of time. We were all gathered around and looking at the possibilities of volunteers, but none of the options seemed like a win-win. Certain hallmarks had to be met, certain people had to be introduced to other people, and the dark forces were going to be highly aware of that particular assignment due to the persons who were already in the family structures.  It was like a 1-1000000000000000000000 chance of everything working out without being ruined or distorted by hundreds of variables.   

Time was ticking and I apparently said, "I'll do it." And the man I mentioned earlier spoke up and said, "What do you mean? No, we have plenty of new volunteers who we could send, we just need to sort it out." That is when I said, "we don't have time to sort it out and get them trained to know what to do, and besides, there's no guarantee that it would do any good anyway the way we have this mission split up into 4 different assignments! What if it was just all lumped into one assignment. It could be done. It would be almost impossible but it could be done. We could put certain signs encoded that I would remember and enhance the distortion toward curiosity, or mathematical patterns..." The man interrupted me and said, "no, it's impossible to connect all of these lines together. How are you going to do that? That is when we realized that one of the mother figures needed a catalyst moment because she was lost and kind of karmically caught up in a bad cycle. We knew that she was most likely inclined to give a baby up for adoption during this time period due to her self-loathing and inability to see a way out of her situation. The other family group would be guided by a member of our group who was already incarnate at the time. She will suggest adoption to her daughter and this will re-trigger her/her line's love energy and heal the partner she chose. The rest of the story is risky at best."  I was trained and I was strong but I had to lose all knowledge of that before coming to Earth. I would have subtle hints and signs that would trigger the "knowing" of the assignment, but it was going to be a crap shoot. However, if it worked, if I was successful, then it would be one of many assignments that could tip the scales in the favor of  Good. 

It was like a "butterfly effect" module but strategically mapped out with endless possible outcomes. 

After I was given all the information about how I "got into this mess," I felt so in awe. I was so full of love and light and a feeling of euphoria over how much we are all loved by the One Creator. It blew my mind how much effort was being directed at such fragile creatures like animals, humans, the air we breathe, water, etc... The effort was unparalleled in it's dedication to be of service to Earth because of it being a Divine order.  The Earth was an anomalous situation, one that wasn't the standard for all intelligent life in the universe. Earth had been corrupted from day one, and the primary law of Free Will had been hijacked by forces who claimed to be creators, but were posers.  The Earth is the number one concern in the entire universe. The success of Earth is a team effort on the part of countless intelligent loving beings, angelic beings, and millions of volunteers who have decided to come into human form, forget their origins, and restore wisdom, balance, and bring love & light.  

After I was given all of this information, the origin of everything, including myself, I was asked if I wanted to stay or go back. I said, "what? Is it over or?" I was told that I had "done enough, more than what was expected, and that was the arrangement we made." In my mind, I felt like I had just begun living?  I said, "well, I enjoy the performing stuff there. That's been fun. I have a real talent for singing and dance.(we laughed) I mean, I'm sure I could do a lot more?" They said, "Sure you can. But it's all up to you. You completed the tasks we assigned and even more than what we thought was possible. You can come back here, or you can stay and enjoy the rest of your time there,  help out the cause, but if you go back to Earth, you cannot take the information with you. You can take some of it, but not the details. That's the way this works, remember? (we laughed)"  I thought about it and thought about how upset everyone would be on Earth, but I ultimately made the decision to come back to Earth because I wanted to enjoy living, have some adventures, etc.. 

As I left this plane of wherever I was, I tried to hold on to the information I gained in the "download chair," but a very kind voice said, "You can't take it back with you, you must let it go if you want to return." I realized my transition back to Earth/back to my body was being disrupted somewhat  by my "hanging on" to information.  You may be asking how I know as much as I do? Or how I kept/retained as much as I did? I was allowed to remember what I've written in this blog. I was not allowed to remember where I was, names, or the details on every aspect of divine creation or the hierarchy of the various realms of the heavenly beings/their role in Earth events, etc... 

I woke up back in my body and looked at the clock. I thought I was late for work, and began rushing around getting dressed and grabbing my bag, keys, and other necessities to leave. I looked at my cell phone and I had close to 48 missed calls. I thought that this had to be a mistake. There was no way 48 phone calls came into my phone during a 2 hour nap, right?  I listed to several voice messages and they were all from my employer wondering where I was, why I wasn't picking up the phone,  was I coming in later, was I okay?  My Mom called me and said that my job had called her asking if she knew where I was, that I hadn't reported to work or contacted them.  

I looked at the date on my phone and I couldn't believe it. I was missing time. My 2 hour nap was more like 2 days!  What happened? Where was I? The panic set in and I had to figure out how to explain myself. That is when something profound happened to me. I took a breath, thought for a split second about the panic I was in, then remembered the dream. I remembered the point of the experience. I remembered that I said "I want to go back to Earth to enjoy myself for once. To live my dream, see what happens, have an adventure..."   I decided to leave LA. I quit my job that I hated. I received a phone call from a friend asking me if I wanted to run a business with him back in Texas, do a show that I enjoyed doing each year for the State Fair of Texas.... I dumped my horrible boyfriend that had kept me in an emotional lockdown for many years. I dropped 40 pounds of excess weight that I have never gained back. I had crazy physical transformations happening left and right. My teeth magically were not gapped in the middle, my orthodontic bite problem was fixed, my face looked different, I grew 2 full inches taller and I felt like I was awake for the first time ever. The best part of the transformation was that I no longer had to battle terrible paranormal experiences every night. I had been plagued my entire life at night by various dark horribly demonic entities. No, seriously, I'm not joking... it was "a thing" that I dealt with most of my life. After this wonderful journey to the place before "my place here," I never dealt with the dark nightmarish entities again. 

My entire experience of living changed. I was able to have fun, enjoy movies, I felt smarter, in control, free to express myself fully. The trees looked greener! 

Our existence is magical. We are surrounded by millions of volunteers who came here because they won't give up on this human experience or the planet itself. The main thing I learned with this journey is that nothing is an accident, we are all divinely connected, we are all part of the Sea of Souls, we are all manifestations of One ocean of energy that expresses itself in countless infinite ways through YOU. You are me. I am you. We are One. One is all. 

There is no death. There is no punishment that is forever. It isn't black and white. It is only the endless experience through the infinite expression of the All. You are the gift. You bring with you the only thing you need in this experience here....yourself. By giving what you are, nothing more, nothing less, you have completed your assignment, you have brought balance where there was imbalance, and you have and will continue to do so through giving the gift of the expression that is You. We are all connected to each other endlessly and infinitely. I've seen it, I know it's true. 

Anything that separates you from knowing you are loved and knowing you are One, a part of the All, is a distorted imbalance. I write this blog today, disclosing this story about my experience, for one reason only. The "mission" is to bring the truth of how we are all One. Anything that separates you from that knowing is to be rejected, discarded and put in the recycle bin. There is no racism, there is no poor, rich, famous, homeless, stupid, smart, Christian, Muslim, Jew, Gentile....THAT is the distortion, the imbalance. We are all you, we are all me, we are all each other because we are all part of the All. Imagine 5 minutes of everyone treating each other as though the "other selves" were an extension of "self."  Golden Rule? Yes. Perhaps we've heard it too much and so it becomes sounds and words that are too familiar to our ears? I don't know, but I know that what I experienced was meant for everyone to know.  I wasn't special. I had arranged for that "wake up call" before I came here.  Maybe you have arranged for similar alarms for your own awakening?  

I hope you enjoyed the story. I hope that it reaches inside you and pulls out some truth that you needed at the moment you read it.  We must let ourselves love our 'other selves' and we must see similarities in each other instead of differences. Our experiences are all part of the canvas to a beautiful work of painting that we cannot see from where we stand right now. Keep painting. I'm sure once you see the whole picture, it will take your breath away.